Page 17 of Chasing Sarah

I try my damn hardest to feel the happiness I had just felt inside the warehouse but the ache in my chest is overwhelming.

I smile, laugh, and mask the pain throughout our late dinner and each time Paige’s face strays from mine, the façade drops.

As much as I love having Paige in my life and growing closer with each passing day, the hollowness from where my soul once lived remains.

Inside, my entire being dwindles. The only time I feel alive anymore is when I am being reckless.

When I have no regard for my safety or my own life.

It’s in those times that I can feel them. Feel their spirits alongside me, both enjoying the chaos and reprimanding me for being even more uncontrolled than I was in the past.

Fuck…

Why does loss have to hurt so fucking much?

Nononono.

This cannot be happening.

Scrambling, I unroll a wad of toilet paper before placing it in my underwear and pulling up my pants.

The toilet’s water is tinted pink from the blood.

Obviously, I know it’s my period. I just hate that I’m at school… and I don’t have a mom or a mother figure to talk me through what I’m supposed to do now.

I feel sick to my stomach with the knowledge that I have to call one of my brothers and explain to them what’s going on.

Exiting the stall, I wash my hands and shift to make sure Idon’t have a stain on my jeans.

I let out a breath of relief when I don’t see any blood.

“Okay, just act natural. Get to the office and call Tommy or Xander,” I say to myself before walking out of the restroom.

My leg bounces anxiously as I wait for Xander to come to my school. I stopped at my locker after I called him and luckily found a sweater to wrap around my waist.

Sitting in the office, my nerves rise with each passing second. I’m so scared I’m going to stand from this seat and have the imprint of my butt stained on the fabric.

“Sarah?”

I whip around to Xander’s voice and feel the tears spring from my eyes.

He looks at me sympathetically and holds up a small bag. “I brought you some clothes and some pads,” he whispers, stepping toward me.

“Can I go home?” My chin dips to my chest.

He nods and hands me the bag.

I’m frozen on the seat long enough that Xander tips his head, his face filling my vision. “What’s wrong?”

“I-I don’t know how to use the stuff.” Embarrassment seeps through my voice.

Xander sighs and takes my hand. “I can’t go in the restroom with you, but I can tell you what to do.”

“How do you know how?” I ask.

He smirks. “Sarah, I’m twenty and have a girlfriend. I know what a period is and what to do.”

I give him a small, appreciative smile, before hesitantly standing from the seat. I quickly look over my shoulder and feel the tension in my chest loosen when I don’t see my butt on the seat.

---