Page 108 of Corrupt Obsession

“No, I…”

“You what?” she demanded. “What do you want from me?”

She hated the warble in her voice. She’d hoped the next time they interacted that she would be stone-cold, but clearly, not enough time had passed. His voice whipped her emotions into a frenzy. She hated that he had such power over her, but she hated even more her body’s response. The neglected space between her legs throbbed, begging to be possessed. What the hell was wrong with her? What kind of sicko missed the fucked-up things he used to do to her?

A filthy slut, that’s who, her inner critic jeered. She bit her lip hard enough to make it bleed to disrupt the scathing litany and focused in time to hear Jesse say, “I want what I’ve always wanted. You.”

Her hand whistled as it slashed through the air. “You can’t have me! You’ll never have me. I want nothing to do with you. Why can’t you understand that?”

“I didn’t call to upset you,” he said wearily

“Then you should have left me alone! You know I don’t want to talk to you. Why force me?”

His voice shredded as he said with a little heat of his own, “Because I miss you! Not seeing you, not being able to talk to you has been hell. We’ve never been apart this long. I’m going crazy. Don’t you miss me at all?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat. The worst part was, she did miss him, and she hated herself for it.

Her prolonged silence made him sigh. She couldn’t see him, but she imagined him running his hands through his hair.

“I thought…” He hesitated and then said in a rush, “The day I left, you held on to me. You didn’t want me to go. Damn it, you kissed me back, Vi!”

She flinched as her stomach churned, threatening to expel her favorite cake. That day haunted her because it demonstrated how weak she was when it came to him. It didn’t matter what he did to her. Her defenses would never be as strong as they neededto be where he was concerned. She had to keep him at a distance, which was possible now that he was in the military. She thought she’d built up some resistance to him, but this phone call proved her shields were as sturdy as wet napkins.

“You can’t hold what I did that day against me. I didn’t know what I was doing! I was messed up—I’mstillmessed up because of you. I don’t know if I’ll ever be…”

She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to smother a rogue sob without success. She shut her eyes, utterly humiliated. She hadn’t even been talking to him for two minutes, and she was spiraling out of control.

“Don’t cry,” he said gruffly. “Or so help me God, I’m going to show up.”

“I’m not crying,” she lied defiantly. “And you can’t ‘show up’. They decide what you do now.”

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’m almost done with basic training, and I have the opportunity to come home before I?—”

“What?”she quietly shrieked.

“I may be able to stay for a week or two before I ship off to Alaska.”

“D-did you mention this to M-mom or Dad?” She was so rattled, her words tripped over one another.

“No. I wanted to talk to you first. It was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday.”

“No!”

“I need to see you,” he said desperately. “I’m dying without you.”

“You can’t shove me back into your twisted game again! I can’t do it!”

“I won’t,” he began earnestly, but she cut him off.

“Don’t make promises we both know you can’t keep!”

The thought of seeing him again threw her into a panic. She thought she would have six months or more to prepare before facing him. The thought of seeing him any sooner was horrifying.

“You don’t know what you did to me,” she said in a strangled voice. “I am not okay. I’m just starting to feel human again, and you want to come back and break me all over again.”

“I don’t?—”

“You’ve done it countless times! That’s all you know how to do! I don’t know how you can live with yourself when I don’t want to live with myself. How do you do it?”

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