Page 109 of Corrupt Obsession

“Violet.”

His voice cracked like a whip, but she didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He had to stay away. Her sanity depended on it. She was barely hanging on. If he came back, it would destroy her. She couldn’t take another round of him, not when she had finally adjusted to his absence. In the past, she did her best to keep him from seeing how much damage he inflicted, but she would reveal all if it would keep him at bay.

“I thought once you were gone, I would feel better, but…” She shuddered as the ever-present shame rose up to choke her. “Every time I get in the car, I think of all the things you’ve done to me in it. I go to church, and I think of what you did to me on that stage. I go to school, and I think of all the places you took me, the things you forced me to do…” Her hands brushed at the invisible sludge she could feel on her body, but could never remove, no matter how hard she scrubbed.

“Baby.”

She stomped her foot. “Don’t call me that! Don’t call me anything. Don’t talk to me!” she said wildly as she mentally unraveled.

“Violet.”

“Do you know what I did today?” She clutched the phone in a death grip as her eyes filled with tears. “My friends wanted to treat me to lunch, but instead of going with them, I drove to that park where you broke me the first time. The place where you showed me the real you. I sat there and thought about ending it all.”

There was no sound on the other end of the line. She wasn’t sure if the call dropped, but she kept talking. Now that she’d confessed the dark path her mind had taken to the one person who would understand why, she couldn’t stop.

“I am barely hanging on,” she said hoarsely as tears poured down her face. “All the secrets and lies… I can’t do it anymore. I can’t live like this.”

As the pain mounted to an unbearable degree, her eyes flicked around the room for something to inflict damage on her person before she closed her eyes, willing away the violent, compulsive urges brought on by the self-loathing she couldn’t shirk.

“If you ever felt anything for me, you’d stay away.”

Silence.

“I’ll never ask anything of you ever again,” she pleaded. “Just don’t come home, at least while I’m here. After I graduate, you can see Mom and Dad whenever you want.”

“Is that what you really want?” he asked in a stifled tone.

“Yes.”

There was a brief pause and then, “If that’s what you need.”

Relief made her legs weak. She collapsed on the edge of her bed and dropped her face in her hand. “Thank you.”

“Violet, I… I never meant to hurt you.”

She knew he heard her whimpering because his voice broke.

“I swear I can fix this if you give me a chance.”

“You can’t f-fix something that’s shattered into a m-million pieces,” she said raggedly.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life finding every piece and putting it back where it belongs,” he said fervently.

“I used to think you were heaven sent,” she said in a hollow voice. “I loved you more than I loved myself. I made so many excuses for you because I didn’t want to believe the truth.” Her breath hitched before she finished, “You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

The call ended. She wasn’t sure if they got disconnected or if he hung up. Either way, she was grateful because she reached the end of her rope. The phone tumbled across the carpet after it fell from her nerveless fingers.

She had officially severed their bond. She felt the disconnect as acutely as if she severed a limb. Internally, she was screaming that same bloodcurdling cry she had the day he left. It was the grief-stricken wail of a woman who had lost someone she didn’t think she could live without, but she had no choice. Cutting him out of her life was the only way she could cope. She had the misfortune to give her heart to a monster who damaged her so severely, she would never be the same. It was the right thing to do, so why did she feel like she was back in that dark tunnel without light or hope?

She wrapped her arms around herself and folded at the waist. Fat, salty tears rained down on her pink heart socks. Her agony was so profound she couldn’t make a sound.

She lost countless battles, but she just won the war. Jesse would honor his promise. She would never see him again. She should have been elated and relieved. Instead, she mourned. Jesse was right. When she loved, she did it completely, which meant she would never be whole again.

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