Page 69 of Spinning Out Of Control

Tears spill down my cheeks as flashes of the last thirty hours play in my mind like a film reel. Ren washing my hair in the tub. Ren holding me gingerly while helping me sip from a bottle of water. Ren resting my head against his chest and letting the beat of his heart calm my nervous system while I wept in my sleep.

“Where, uhm, where is he now, then?” I ask, wiping at the tears and snot pooling near my pillow.

“He’s out in the living room. He only just stepped out so that he could change the water in Pancakes’ tank.”

“He what?!” I exclaim, my voice cracking. I jump up, making myself lightheaded from the abrupt change in position. Though my legs feel like Jell-O, I untangle myself from my bedsheets and stand from the bed. On unsteady feet, I move as quickly as I can down thenarrow stairs of my beloved Victorian home. Ren taking care of me is one thing, but to take care of my son? The fish he ignores at best and berates with his glares at worst? That’s something I have to see to believe.

I round the corner of the hallway and lean against the doorway to the living room, taking in the scene. Ren is on his knees in front of Pancakes’ tank, the bucket I use for water changes and an empty jar of brine shrimp at his side. He hasn’t noticed me standing here and I stay quiet, content to enjoy the view. He’s running a fingertip back and forth on the tank glass, smiling and talking softly as Pancakes wags his fishy fins, following the path of Ren’s finger.

“You’ve got a damn good mom, you mongrel. I googled it, and technically you weren’t due for another water change for a few days. But Kira spoils you, and if she woke up to find that your tank hadn’t been kept up with, I might never hear the end of it. That’s right. A spoiled rotten little betta is what you are, aren’t you Pancakes?”

I press a hand to my heart, fighting back a squeal of joy. It’s just so sweet. I’ve teased Ren about his and Pancakes' strained son/mom’s boyfriend relationship, but I never pushed the matter. I would have never expected him to fight past his discomfort to take care of my boy, let alone to go above and beyond like he has.

“It sure looks like he loves you,” Pops whispers from behind me. He and IronDad have saddled up next to me with bowls of Tía Camila’s stew in hand. I guessthey gave up on their futile attempts to make an edible soup.

“I think he just might,” I say. The sound of my voice catches Ren’s attention, and he nearly falls on his ass trying to push to his feet. He crosses the room in two long strides and takes my face in his hands, searching as though he’s looking for bruises or signs of distress.

“Kira, darling, you’re awake. Are you okay? Are you hungry? I need to get you some water, come sit down.”

“I’m okay, Ren,” I say, but I let him take me by the hand and drag me to the couch anyway. He sits me down, taking the space next to me and turning his body to look at me.

“You’re awake,” he repeats himself.

“I am. I needed the rest, but I’m awake now. Thank you for taking care of me. And Pancakes. I can’t believe you changed his tank water,” I say, leaning forward to place my hands on his thighs. He covers them with his hands, curling his fingers around my palms.

“I love you, Kira,” Ren blurts out frantically. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry that it took me so long to tell you. I’ve been a coward, holding back for fear of losing you. But you, my strong, brilliant, infuriating, gorgeous, precious little pest. You make me brave, and I’m not going to let the fear overtake me anymore. I know that things are complicated and difficult, but this love I have for you is real. It’s the realest thing I’ve ever known, and I will do anything to make you happy. I’ll bondwith the little slime mongrel. I’ll feed him disgusting food and change his disgusting tank water. I’ll put him on a leash and walk him around the block if I have to. There isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do to make your life as easy and beautiful as it can be. If that means walking away so you can distance yourself from the whole Jonathan mess, I’ll do it. It will hurt. Fuck, it will hurt. But I’ll do it for you.”

I press my lips together, suppressing the laugh that wants to bubble up from my chest. His word vomit confession is so damn sweet, I can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. I fell victim to the spins and headfirst into a pit of depression and when I wake up, Ren is tripping over himself to confess his love for me. It’s straight out of a made-for-TV movie, and it’s perfect.

“I know that you love me, Ren. I heard you when I was asleep. I dreamt of you, and in my dreams, you were telling me everything you just said. Even when I wasn’t here, you were with me.” I reach up, taking his cheek in my palm. The scruff of his beard tickles as he leans into my touch like a purring kitten. “And I love you too, Ren. As hard as I tried to keep you out, you broke down my walls. You–you stupid, sexy British twat waffle–you have ruined me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Ren turns his head, pressing his lips softly against the palm of my hand over and over, punctuating each kiss with those three words.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

His lips trail up my arm, across my shoulder and over my neck until they find mine. It’s a delicate, tentative brushing of our mouths, like we’re both testing the sweetness of our love on each other’s lips. My mouth parts, and when his tongue slides against mine, my need for him grows. My hands find their way to the nape of his neck, tugging at the short strands as I try to pull him even closer. Ren hums against me and I moan when he nips at my bottom lip.

“Look, we’re all really happy for you, but I’m this close to filling that bucket with ice water and dumping it on your heads.” IronDad’s voice breaks the haze of our passion. I completely forgot that he and Pops were here. Ren and I break away from each other, panting. His cheeks turn a bright shade of red as he blushes and hangs his head, looking like a chastised teenage boy.

I smile coyly as I make a show of wiping off my lips, enjoying torturing my poor parents a little too much.

“I hope you guys have a hotel room to go to tonight, because myloverand I have some serious catching up to do,” I wink, and both my dads groan.

“Actually,” Ren says, clearing his throat. “There is something we need to talk about, and if we could possibly have some privacy…”

He looks up to IronDad, and some sort of unspoken understanding passes between the two of them.

“Sure. Come on, Keith. Let’s go find Camila and we can book a couple rooms at the Four Seasons.”

The two of them retreat, and I furrow my brow at Ren.

“Is this about what you were trying to tell me before? I thought you were just trying to find a time to tell me that you love me.”

He nods, pressing his mouth into a thin line.

“It…wasn’t that. My love, please don’t be mad.”

Four words a woman never wants to hear. Crossing my arms against my chest, I take a deep breath before answering.

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