Page 68 of Spinning Out Of Control

But once it’s finished and the cameras turn off, I nearly collapse into a puddle before I can even unclip my shoes from the bike. I drop my head to my handlebars and fight to catch my breath. I can’t see them, but I can feel my people flanking me on either side. A hand settles low on my sweaty back and I know instantly that it’s my Ren. My friends and coworkers are speaking softly to me, telling me how proud they are of me and singing my praises. I love them for it, but I only have so much energy right now, and I need to use it to get home. I turn my head towards Ren, finding solace in his soft blue eyes as he looks at me with pride and reverence.

“Take me home, Ren. Please?” I mutter, and he’s quick as lightning as he drops to his knees to help me remove my shoes. Once I’m free of the cleats, he takes my hand and tucks me into his body so that I can usehim for leverage as we exit the studio. I stumble once, and he sweeps me into his arms, carrying me bridal style down the hall. I melt into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling into his sweat-slicked neck as he whispers in my ear.

“I’m so proud of you, love. You’re so brave. You’re so strong. You’re so resilient. You are incredible. You rest, okay? You rest and I’ll take care of you. I’ll get you home and cleaned up and tucked into bed. Alright darling? I’ve got you. My beautiful, brave girl. I’ve got you.”

I let his words wash over me as the dark waters of my depression continue to roll in. The world around me grows hazy as the heaviness settles behind my eyes. I barely hear him when he says he needs to put me down for a second.

“Can you stand, darling?” he asks when my feet are on the ground, and I shake my head, feeling the wobbliness in my legs. He steadies me, gripping my arms and holding up the weight of me.

“I didn’t know if you’d need me, if you’d want me today, after everything. But I knew you’d need someone. You’re so strong, my love, but if I couldn’t be there for you, I wanted you to have someone who could.” Ren glances over my shoulder, and it takes all my effort to turn my head to see what he’s looking at.

“Daddy?” I ask, my voice sounding a thousand miles away even to my own ears. I think I must be imagining Pops and IronDad standing here in the SpinSync lobby in San Francisco, looking at me like I hold their hearts in the palm of my hand. IknowI must be imagining Tía Camila with them, her arms open and ready to take me in. My knees wobble, and a sob wracks through me as the tears begin to fall. In an instant I’m surrounded, held up and held close on all sides by three people I know will love me no matter what and the one person I hope still loves me back.

And in the comfort and safety of that warm embrace, I succumb to the exhaustion. Like my subconscious knows I’m taken care of, it slips slowly into the quiet.

26

KIRA

“Can you lift your foot for me, darling? We’re just going to get these leggings off of you. Only wack jobs sleep in pants, right? There you go. That’s my girl.”

“That’s it, love. Good girl. We’re just going to rinse this shampoo out. I’ve got you, just tilt your head back.”

“I know, my sweet Kira, you’re so tired. You can go back to sleep as soon as you take another sip of this water for me. Just one more sip, love. You can do it.”

“I’ll never admit this to you while you’re awake, but that damn fish is actually kind of cute.”

“I love you, Kira. I know you can’t hear me, but I can’t hold it in anymore. You are my everything. My heart, my soul, my happiness. I love you so much, myprecious little pest.”

I wakefrom a dream to the soft glow of the TV casting a light in my otherwise dark bedroom. A moment ago, I’d been in The Land of Nod, walking through a field of yellow tulips towards a cliffside. Ren had been standing there at the edge with a smile on his face, his blue eyes shining, his hand outstretched and reaching for me.

In the dream, I could hear him talking to me even though his lips weren’t moving. And now that I’m blinking my eyes open, the words he spoke in my mind are already fading from my memory.

“Buenos días, chiquitina.”

Tía Camila is here in my bed, hands tucked under the pillow next to mine as she watches me slowly return to the world.

“What time is it?” I ask in Spanish, coughing around the ‘r’ sound.

“Es domingo, mi amor. Sunday evening. You slept for a day and a half.”

Sunday evening, Christ. The last thing I remember was seeing my family in the Spin Sync lobby yesterday. But I’m not surprised, I knew this episode was coming. I feel lucky to have been unconscious for most of it.

I breathe out, reaching up to wipe the sleep from my eyes. My limbs feel like static, and my head is full ofcotton, but I feel otherwise okay. Typically, when I wake up from a spell, I’m dehydrated, I stink, and my mouth tastes like I’ve been chewing on cat litter. Right now, I feel unusually unscathed.

“Is everyone here?” I mumble while my vocal cords work on coming back online.

“Everyone is here. Your daddies are in the kitchen worrying over a pot of chicken noodle soup that no doubt tastes like pure ocean water and chicken shit.” I must scrunch up my nose in disgust, because Camila laughs and pats my cheek. “Don’t you worry, chiquitina. I made puchero if you’re hungry. They just wanted to do something to feel useful. That man of yours has been taking care of everything else.”

“Ren is here?” I ask, my bottom lip quivering. I love Camila, but I sort of hoped he’d be the one in the bed next to me when I woke up.

“He is. You probably don’t remember, but he has barely left your side.”

“I thought I was dreaming of him.”

“You might have been dreaming of him, but he was here, too. Mi amor, he carried you all the way home and took you right to the bath. He cleaned you up when you couldn’t stand. He brushed your teeth for you. He woke you up once an hour to make you sip water. Even when me or Pops or IronDad were here in the room, he was in the bed talking to you and holding you close.” She takes my hand, intertwining my fingers with hers.

“When you were nothing but an alien parasiteinside of me, sitting on my bladder and kicking my ribs day and night, I knew you’d grow up to be a handful. You weren’t even born yet, and you were already grating on my every nerve. I used to tell Jay and Keith that whoever’s heart you captured one day would be the luckiest bastard on earth, but they would have to be strong in spirit and blessed with patience. The way that Warren adores you so loudly…it’s everything I could have ever wanted for you and more. Chiquitina, I’ve never seen anything like it. His love for you…it’s palpable. Warren is the kind of person your daddies and I could only ever pray you’d find some day.”

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