Page 112 of Sinner

He’d never been the kind of man to call a spade a spade. That had been the most annoying aspect about our friendship.

We’d always been two dark souls who’d been surprised finding each other in a sea of slugs. At least that’s what we’d toldourselves. “Why are you here, Mike? While I don’t mind an occasional round of reminiscing, as you might imagine, I have other things on my mind.”

“Like my daughter?” He kept his eyes focused on mine, smirking behind the glass as he pulled it in front of his lips.

“You surmised after reading the article I’m having a torrid affair with Jessica?”

He leaned forward. “One thing I always appreciated about you was your inability to tell a lie. Don’t bullshit me now. The look isn’t good on you. You’re fucking my daughter.”

“While your candor is appreciated, there’s no need to be crass. You daughter doesn’t deserve it.”

“Perhaps you’re right, as you always believed you were.”

His tone was coming close to what it had been during the last days of our friendship. I took a deep breath and sipped my drink, trying to determine why the hell he was really here. “Only about certain things. Why take a flight?”

“Because I didn’t think you’d talk to me over the phone. There are some things that need to be said.”

Snorting, I realized I’d fisted the glass when my knuckles turned white. “Then say them. I don’t have all night.”

“Fine, Xander. I don’t claim to be a decent man any more than you ever did, but I’ve changed my life for the better, which is what I thought you were attempting to do.”

“Who says I’m not?”

“Are you? Are you finally rid of your demons that plagued you to the point you only reacted to the rage inside instead of controlling it?”

“What does it matter to you?”

He looked away, his entire face scrunching up from frustration. “My daughter believes in you. She cares about you.” He turned his head to stare me in the eyes once again.

“And just how do you know that?” I asked, laughing.

“Because she told me as much right before demanding I tell her the truth about what happened with you and Shanna.” His words hung in the air and I could tell guilt was riding him hard.

“Just what did you tell her, Michael? That I was the despicable man you ensured both you and Jessica believed in? That I left her because I was such a horrible person? That I used her as you suspected, getting my jollies out of defiling a young woman for the sin and pleasure? What? Trust me, you worked your magic on your younger daughter. She’s spent her entire adult life planning a way to destroy me. It likely worked.”

“She had nothing to do with that article and you know it. What I find so interesting is that after all these years of righting wrongs both in your personal life and in those you believed used or abused, you haven’t exacted revenge on the fucker who not only wants to bring down your empire, but destroy all hopes for my daughter’s future.”

“Let’s face it, Michael. You never wanted Jessica involved in what you called my depraved world. But here’s the thing. She’s damn good at what she does, perhaps the most talented and brilliant code developer and designer I’ve ever worked with. But you couldn’t give a shit about what she wants. Do tell me whatyou shared with her so I can keep up the lie to protect your relationship. It’s the least I can do.” Now I was angry. Furious with myself for doing what he’d asked all those years ago. And with walking away when I never should have allowed that to happen.

“You’re still a bastard.”

I powered back a good portion of my drink, hissing afterwards. Suddenly, the usual smooth taste was bitter. “You bet I am. That’s what life, God, and my parents made me. Along with the devil, of course.”

“You’re also insufferable. You have a life so many are envious of, but you choose darkness over light.”

“Because it’s served me well.”

“Then you’re going to end up very much alone,” Michael snapped. “I’d hate that for you because contrary to what you keep telling yourself, you’re a good guy down inside. You were dealt a very bad hand, a catastrophic one, but my daughter cares about you. Maybe it’s time you climbed out of your own prison cell and live a little before it’s too late.”

He finished his drink, slammed the glass on the table and stood. This conversation was definitely over.

Michael started to walk away but stopped, his shoulders slumping. “You’re right. You’re fucking right about everything. You were never to blame for anything, Xander. I was. All these years I’ve tried to damn hard to force myself into believing you were the bad guy. You might not believe this, but I’ve suffered because of how I handled the situation with Shanna. Tremendously. Neither you nor Shanna deserved the betrayal. You’ll never forgive me as I won’t forgive myself, but do me afavor, don’t take your hatred out on Jessica. She’s… A bright shining star. She knows the truth. But do you want to know what’s so sad? She already knew it. That sweet girl with a heart of gold was doing her best to remain loyal and protect her father. And what did I do? I ignored my own daughter and her feelings. I’ve lost her. I know that. Do you want to suffer the same fate?”

“You didn’t lose her, Mike. She has a tremendous capacity for forgiveness. But you’ll need to extend an olive branch for her to accept.”

“Excellent advice. I have a question, Xander. Can you let go of the past long enough to enjoy an entirely different future, one devoid of the darkness and plagued by your demons?”

I had no answer and when I remained silent, he walked away.

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