Page 98 of All of Me

STRONGER (WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU) - KELLY CLARKSON

CALLIE - MAY 29, 2014

Sara’s second birthday is just around the corner, and I should be excited about planning her birthday party, but my stomach is in knots. I need this year to go better than last year when Adam showed up at the party I’d planned for her uninvited. It was awkward, to say the least. He strolled in like he belonged there, smiling for all the family photos as if there was nothing wrong. I let it slide because Sara was too little to understand, and I didn’t want to make a scene, but the memory still sits bitterly in the back of my mind of how little he respects my boundaries.

Now, he wants to take the girls this weekend to celebrate Sara’s birthday with Danielle, his latest girlfriend and someone I haven’t even met yet. Unfortunately, it’s technically his weekend and I cannot deny him without breaking the court order that was put in place. I may not like it, but I have no ground to stand on aside from the fact that it annoys me that he’s picking and choosing to be a father when it is most convenient for him. This is all just a show for Danielle; it doesn’t have anything to do with poor Sara.

The knot in my chest tightens as I think about him playing the doting dad in front of her, acting like he’s been there all along. What does Danielle think she’s signing up for? Does she even know the version of Adam I know? The one who bails on his daughters and shifts the blame onto everyone but himself? The thought gnaws at me, not just because of Adam’s inconsistency, but because of what it might mean for Sara and Ruby. What kind of example does that set for them?

The thought churns my stomach as I sit in the kitchen, scrolling Pinterest aimlessly for birthday party ideas. The party I’ll throw for Sara is next weekend when Barrett is here with us. I should be focused on planning something fun, but Adam’s text from earlier keeps flashing through my mind.

Adam:

I want the girls tomorrow. Please make sure you have enough milk to get Ruby through the weekend. Danielle and I want to do something special for Sara’s birthday.

Special. That’s rich, considering he’s missed his last several visits with them. Although, I shouldn’t complain because it allows me to spend more time with my girls. I can’t help but feel suspicious about his sudden enthusiasm. It feels less like he wants to celebrate Sara and more like he’s trying to show Danielle what a good dad he is. What a joke.

The sound of Ruby babbling from her swing pulls me back to the present. Sara is on the floor nearby, humming softly to herself as she stacks her blocks into a wobbly tower. Her innocence, her joy–they’re a balm to the storm brewing inside me. I wish I could freeze these moments, shield her from the chaos, but I can’t. Adam will always be a part of their lives, and I hate that I have no control over the kind of parent he chooses to be, or not be. All I can do is my best and make sure I’m there for my girls no matter what.

The front door creaks open, and Taylor breezes in with her usual energy, a bag of takeout in hand.

“Lunch delivery!” she announces, setting the bag on the counter. Her smile falters when she sees my face. “Uh-oh. What happened?”

I glance at my phone, then back at her. “Adam texted me this morning. He wants to have the girls for Sara’s birthday.”

Taylor’s eyebrows shoot up as she drops into the chair across from me. “Wait—he hasn’t taken them in how long, and now he suddenly wants to swoop in and play Dad of the Year?”

“Exactly,” I mutter, running a hand through my hair. “He wants to be the fun parent, and he wants his new girlfriend involved. I haven’t even met her, Taylor. How am I supposed to feel okay with this?”

Taylor leans back, crossing her arms. “You’re not, and you shouldn’t be. So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, my voice tight. “I haven’t responded yet. I just—I can’t help but feel like he’s trying to play house with my kids and I can’t stand it. But I also feel like that makes me a hypocrite. Look how quickly things moved with me and Owen.”

“This is different. This is now his third relationship he’s been in since you guys split up. He’s bouncing around and not creating a stable environment for the girls.”

“Tay, you seem to forget that I was also in a different relationship between Adam and Owen…”

“Matt doesn’t count,” she quips. “That was just a fling.”

“With an engaged man,” I remind her.

“An engaged man you didn’t know was engaged.”

I know my sister is trying to make me feel better but it’s not helping. I don’t have a real leg to stand on when it comes to saying no to Adam. Not when it comes to this. All I can do is hope that he agrees to let me meet Danielle before the girls do.

Taylor tilts her head, her eyes narrowing. “Have you responded to him yet?”

“No, but I was just about to before you got here,” I say, typing out a response.

Me:

If you’d like to take the girls, that’s fine. But I’d like to meet Danielle first, please.

I reread the message twice before sending it, my thumb hovering over the screen as doubt creeps in. Will he see this as a reasonable request, or will he twist it into something else? Either way, I know I need to stand my ground.

The message hovers on the screen as I await his response.

Taylor leans over to peek at my phone. “I think that’s reasonable.”

---