Page 179 of Steps

Varen walks in the door just as I slip on the bluedress that I’m wearing to dinner. My body lights up at his presence.

“Hey, birthday guy,” I say, edging closer to kisshim. I’m excited to show him the tattoo.

“Hey, just got the mail and look what came fromDad.” Varen smiles while waving a brown envelope before my face. “It’s fromJH.”

“Oh.” I take it from him and open the envelopequickly. I’m actually excited about Johns Hopkins. It’s another college closeto home, to Varen.

He waits as I read it to myself. My smile fallswhen I reach the ‘apologies’ line.This must be a sign; my karma for lyingabout UCLA.

“I didn’t get in,” I murmur, and toss the letterand ripped envelope on the couch.

Varen drapes his arm around my waist and kisses mycheek. “You can apply again. But there’s still UMD. Ali says it’s a greatuniversity.”

I shrug and turn to face him. “Let’s not talk aboutthat right now. It’s your birthday.” I kiss him tenderly.

I’m about to show him my tattoo when he eases meback and says, “I’ve been thinking, babe, maybe you should apply to UCLA again.I checked their website, and the deadline’s not until the end of this month.”

My throat tightens. “Varen, why are you bringingthis up again?”

He strokes my face. “Because I know you want togo, Toya. I see it in your eyes.”

I lower them and turn around, rubbing my neck.

Stepping closer, he touches my back. “You’ve beenthinking about it. I know you have. Sometimes I catch you staring into space,and other times, you’re biting your nails, and you have this distressed look.”

A tidal wave of guilt crashes over me. I twist tohim. “Didn’t realize I was doing all that.”

Varen leans his head to one side, blue eyes softand full of love as they absorb me. “That’s why I know you want to go to UCLA.”He takes my hand and motions to his laptop on the dresser. “Apply again.”

“That’s not necessary,” I murmur.

He frowns. “Toya don’t give up on your dream forme. Please, I don’t want you to resent me.”

I force to change the topic. “It’s okay, babe.This is what I want. Can we please just go out for your birthday and forgetabout it?”

Varen wrinkles his brows as he carries his gaze overme. “What’s with you? You’re evading more than ever.”

Swallowing hard, I look across to my backpackwithout meaning to.

“Why are you always staring at your bag?”

My head snaps back to him. “Nothing.”

“Hm. Let’s see.” He pulls away from me and startstoward it.

“Varen, wait.” I hurry to stop him, but hesnatches my backpack off the floor before I can take it from him.

“What are you hiding?” he mutters, rifling aroundinside. All he sees are textbooks.

Looking up at me, he says softly, “Sorry. Is it asurprise for me or something?”

I realize then that I can’t keep it a secretanymore. Not when he’s staring at me like that.

Reaching inside, I take out my large math textbookand reveal the acceptance letter from UCLA.

Perplexed, Varen screws up his face. “Why are yousaving this? Thought you didn’t get in.”

I shake my head and motion for him to read theletter. Lowering my bag to the floor, he takes the paper from my hand. My headand heart thrash while I stand there waiting for him to read it.

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