Page 180 of Steps

Then his jaw drops. Eyes widen. “What the fuck,Toya. You were accepted? Why did you lie?”

“Because…” I wring my hands before me. “I don’twant to go that far from you.”

He scoffs. “Cause you don’t trust me?”

“You know I do, Varen. I just don’t want to leaveyou.”

“Christ.” He drags his fingers through his hair.“Why are you so convinced we’ll end when you go to California? Don’t youbelieve me when I tell you I love you? That I’ll never love anyone else?”

I splay my hands. “Of course I believe you. Butwho knows what will happen with that much distance between us. Your feelingsmay change.”

“I know damn sure mine won’t. Maybe it’s yourfeelings you’re worried about.”

“Varen…”

He looks at the acceptance letter again. “Can’tbelieve you fucking went as far as to hide this from me. Even while knowing howguilty I feel.”

A slight discomfort on my chest reminds me of thetattoo. “I just want us to stay together like this. Think about it, I couldstay home and go to UMD. I won’t even have to board.”

“What?” Varen’s eyes droop. He angles his head,puzzled. “You told me you wanted to stay in a dorm, said you were lookingforward to the experience.”

I shrug. “Changed my mind.”

“Because of me.” He wipes his face harshly withthe palm of his hand. “Fuck, Toya, don’t you see? You’ll only keep adjustinguntil your entire world revolves around me. You can’t do that. We can’t do thatto each other.” He pauses, still staring at me intensely. “Your mom was right.You’ll give up everything you love just to be with me. I love you too much tolet you give up your dream.”

My heart starts to thrash, my head follows. “I’mnot leaving you.”

“I know.” His eyes glisten. “The only way you willis if I let you go.”

“Don’t,” I whisper, pressing against him. “Don’tever let me go. I love you, Varen. This is my choice, and I choose to stay herein Baltimore withyou.”

He rakes his hand through his hair. “I love youtoo, Toya. But…”

“Let’s just go meet everyone and celebrate yourbirthday. Okay? Forget about California.” I take the letter from him and put itback inside my bag. “Please.”

A long sigh surges from his lips. He huffs beforepressing a soft kiss to my mouth, then walks into the bathroom to shower.

I drop my bag in the corner by the bed and make ita mission to never think of California ever again. Although I probably will,somehow.

Varen and I are both surprised to see my mom whenwe arrive at the restaurant. We pause, glance at each other, then continue tothe table.

Daniel hugs him first. “Happy birthday, son.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Happy birthday, little brother.” Alison throwsher arms around him next, tipping to kiss his cheek. He’s three inches tallerthan his older sis.

Mom appears awkward but still leans in for a quickhug. “Happy birthday,” she says lowly and resettles in her seat right after,barely keeping eye contact with Varen.

We enjoy dinner together, and Alison surprisesVaren with a birthday cake provided by the restaurant. He turns modest, facebrightening as we sing to him.

Then we shower him with gifts. He appears soappreciative as Mom hands him a small box.

“Thank you, Lisa.”

“Sure thing.” She adds a partial smile and shrug.I’m happy she at least came tonight.

After everyone heads out, Varen and I go for astroll in Federal Hill Park.

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