Page 171 of Steps

A tear breaks free and dribbles down my coldcheek.

Meandering to the chair by the window, I sit andwait.

When fear grows and screams louder in my ear, Ifind the courage to go knock on the door again.

“Varen, are you okay?” I ask weakly, unsure ofwhat else to say. “Please talk to me.”

“I’m fine,” he grumbles after a minute or two.“Fuck. Just leave me alone.”

Pain blossoms in my chest as reality hits. I can’thelp him. No matter how hard I love Varen, how hard I try, he’ll always go backto those pills when something hurts.

Wrapping a blanket around my body, I crawl backinto the chair and remain in the dark, sobbing.

I quiver from the cold seeping in through thecreases but stay put. Minutes go by before I hear the bathroom door open. Idon’t look at Varen as he shuffles through the dark to his bed, plopping down.

Sniffling, I pull the blanket tighter and close myeyes as more tears pour out like a river.

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Sunbeams tickle my skin. I blink until my eyesclear. Varen is standing before me, shirtless, regret coating his handsomeface. Gosh, he looks like an angel in the glimmers of the sun.

“Mm…” I moan and lift my head while massaging myneck. My body aches from sleeping on the chair all night. Eyes feel sore fromcrying.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he says sweetly. “Ididn’t take them.” My body relaxes, relieved he fought the urge.

But I’m still upset he went straight to them lastnight.

“Oh, good for you.”

Cutting my eyes from him, I uncurl my legs and rubthem a little before standing. The blanket falls to the floor, but I don’t pickit up. I walk to the dresser and rifle for clothes to wear after showering.

Varen snakes up to my back and touches me lightly.“Sorry,” he says again. “Should’ve brought you to the bed last night.”

I stall with my hand inside the drawer and sighdeeply. “I wish you’d talk to me about it.”

He lowers his head at my neck and gently presseshis lips to my skin. I close my eyes as warmth dances over my body. Varen turnsme to face him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again, then kisses mehard. He pulls up my dress, yanks down my panties, lowers me onto the bed, andkneels between my legs.

I gasp and clench the sheets as he makes love to myvagina with his tongue. He twirls it inside while rubbing my clit until I can’ttake it anymore and explode from the intense pleasure.

Varen isn’t finished with me. He straightens,licks his lips, and slides down his sweatpants. His hardened cock makes megulp. He positions between my thighs again and pushes into me.

It’s the roughest sex we’ve ever had, and althoughI enjoy it just as much as the other times, there’s something different withthis one.

Eyes never leaving mine, he pulsates whilereleasing his hot semen inside me. Then collapses on the bed, breathingheavily.

Tears pool in my eyes and leak down the side of myface. “Is that how you had sex with her?” I ask on a sob. “Am I the new drug tosuppress your issues?”

“Toya… it’s not like that.” He reaches for myhand. “Never. I love you.”

I pull away and get off the bed. Fluids run downmy legs as I walk away. “Don’t you have work?” My tone is harsh. Mean.

Without looking at him, I hurry into the bathroomand lock the door, sobbing under the rushing water.

Varen is gone by the time I emerge from thebathroom. Although I had chased him off, it still hurts a little that we didn’tkiss, and I didn’t tell him “have a nice day” before he left.

Instead of making breakfast, I go out for a strolldown the street in the chilly air, buying a bagel at the café nearby, and walkaround while nibbling on it.

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