Page 170 of Steps

He greets his dad, then his sister.

“Yikes, you’re like a walking woodchipper,” Alisonteases after hugging him.

“Ha-ha.” He sucks his teeth at her then motions tomy mom. “Hey, Lisa.”

“Varen.” She feebly waves to him. She still needstime.

When he moseys up to me, I’m expecting a kiss onthe lips like every other evening when he comes back from work. But this time,he kisses my cheek.

Will it always be like this?

We talk until dinner is ready, then talk some morein between eating.

Walking to the door later, Alison asks Varen,“Think you could hang out with your big sis this weekend?”

“Uh,” He looks at me. I nod. “Sure. Let me know.I’m off a little earlier on Saturday.”

We turn to leave, but she stops him again. “Foundone of Mom’s old scavenger hunt clues in my room today. It reminded me that wenever did look around the library after she passed. What if she left ussomething?”

My heart starts to race. This is where he tellsher about the letter, right?

All three of them stare at Varen. He looks at mebriefly, enough to let me know he’s about to lie.

“She didn’t—”

“She left him a letter,” I blurt without thinking.

He swivels to me, eyes dark, astounded that Icould do that.

“What?” Daniel gasps. “Is that true, son?”

“Varen?” Alison shifts her weight, upset. “Whatthe hell. Why didn’t you tell me? What did she say? Can I read it?”

Varen screws up his face in agitation. “No. It’sjust for me. Hasmyname on it.”

“Still, V…” Alison appears sad now. “I’d like toread her last words.”

He shakes his head. “No.”

Daniel scoffs. “Christ, son, don’t be selfish.She’s your sister. She deserves to read that letter.”

“I said no,” he snaps, then storms out the door.

I hurry after him down the stone walkway, fixingmy jacket along the way.

Reaching his car, he spins and yells at me, “Whatthe fuck, Toya! How could you do that? It wasn’t your place.”

“I’m sorry.” I fumble for an explanation. “I justthought maybe that letter could help her find closure, too.”

“You’re always trying to fix everybody.” Varenlooks away and huffs. “Whatever. Get in the car.”

The harshness in his tone stings. I open the doorfor myself when he marches around to the driver’s side. We drive back to theapartment, park outside, climb the stairs, all in silence.

Varen stomps into the bathroom seconds afterbursting through the door. He doesn’t even bother turning on the light insidethe apartment.

I leave it off as well and walk to the bathroomdoor, knocking. “Varen?” I can hear him rummaging inside.

The pills. He needs to suppress something,and they’re the only things that do it for him. Not me.

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