Page 50 of Only Forever

“Daphne.” Just hearing Jason’s voice soothed my nerves. It was probably for the best that he wasn’t here, but feeling his arms around me would make me feel a thousand times better. “Sorry for calling so late. I had more meetings today than originally planned, so dinner was pushed back.”

“It’s okay,” I answered, trying to sound chipper. “How’s everything going there?”

“Is something wrong?” Jason somehow immediately clocked that something was amiss. How could he sense it?

“No, why?” I asked, feigning ignorance.

“You just sound different,” he said, sounding concerned. “Did something happen?”

“No, I’m fine, “ I reassured him. I quickly tried to think of an excuse. “I’m just tired. Work was busy today.”

“Now I feel even worse for calling so late,” Jason said. “But good news, I’m coming back tomorrow instead of Thursday. I was able to move up a couple of meetings that were supposed to happen tomorrow to today, so I can come home a day earlier.”

I had no doubt Jason had done so because he wanted to get back to me sooner. I felt both grateful and guilty for his consideration. I was hiding so much from him. He didn’t know the real me. But I was too greedy to let him go. Now that Jason was back in my life, I didn’t think I could ever let him go, even if that meant deceiving him.

I tried to make my voice light and cheerful when I told him how glad I was that he was coming back early. We cut the phone conversation short since Jason was concerned and said I should go to bed as soon as possible. Little did he know, sleeping would be entirely impossible.

After we got off the phone, I barricaded myself in the living room with every light on possible. I was too scared go to to my bedroom. I felt like I would be too blind to what was happening if I was holed up in my room.

I turned the TV on, but with no sound because I wanted to hear every single noise, even if it was just the wind blowing outside. The night seemed endless, and by the time morning came, I was bleary-eyed and felt sick from the lack of sleep. I leaned my head back against the couch, closing my eyes, and wishing I knew what to do.

I woke up in a jolt, not even realizing I had fallen asleep. I checked the time and saw that I had been asleep for about an hour. My eyes were still burning from lack of sleep, but after what had happened last night, I was surprised that I had been able to sleep at all.

Daylight gave me a false sense of security, even though I knew it wouldn’t do much to keep me safe if someone was really determined. I quickly checked the house again, makingsure every window and door was locked and no one was hiding anywhere. I was desperately in need of a shower, but I was afraid that being in a small space, naked and with my eyes closed, would make me too vulnerable. I settled for washing my face with water as cold as I could get it.

I made myself a cup of coffee, knowing that it would be the first of several today. I forced myself to settle in front of my computer and work. It was actually a welcome distraction, although it didn’t stop me from jumping at every sound I heard.

I realized I was counting down the minutes until Jason was back. I was expecting him in the late afternoon, and when I heard the doorbell ring, I forced myself to check the camera to make sure it was him before rushing to open the door.

I drank in the sight of him when I flung open the door. I had been on edge the entire day, but the tension dissolved the moment I set eyes on him. He stepped in and gave me a big hug, and I felt so safe in his embrace.

Jason leaned back, studying my face. His brow wrinkled in concern. “You look tired,” he said. “Have you been sleeping well?”

I smiled, trying to brighten my expression. “I’m okay. I’ll catch up on my sleep during the weekend.”

Jason gave me a kiss on the forehead, and held up a bag I hadn’t noticed he was holding. “I brought dinner.”

We caught up as we dug into the Thai food he had brought. Jason told me about his meetings, and I was again fascinated by what he did. I was proud of him for doing work that actually made a difference in the world.

It made me feel even guiltier for lying to him, when he asked me about the days we had been apart. I glossed over the topic, just saying I had been working and not doing much of anything else. I was thankful when he accepted the answer.

After we were done with dinner and had cleaned up, Jason stepped outside to get something from his car. I raised an eyebrow when he came back in with an overnight bag.

“I figured it would be easier for me to just stay over rather than having to come over again tomorrow,” Jason said with a grin. “That way, I can make you my famous French toast for breakfast.”

I laughed, but was relieved by his presumptuousness. Jason made me feel safe, and I didn’t think I could take another sleepless night. We decided to make it an early night, because Jason could see how exhausted I was. We did nothing more than cuddle, and in Jason’s arms, I fell asleep soundly, knowing that Jason would keep me safe.

The next day was in stark contrast to the day before. I had been fraught with tension and fear, but with Jason here, I felt relaxed and happy. He made me his famous French toast, which was delicious, and then we spent the rest of the afternoon in companionable silence. Jason had brought his laptop over, and settled at the dining room table to do some work. We were both busy with work, but his presence alone was soothing. For lunch, I just made us both sandwiches, and while we ate at the table together, I found myself wishing that every day could be like this. And maybe, just maybe, with Jason by my side, I could one day venture out into the world instead of being trapped inside my house. I couldn’t deny the fact that part of the reason I was trying to rid myself of my fear was because I afraid he would get frustrated with my inability to live in the outside world. He was understanding now, but no one could put up with being with someone forever who refused to live their life.

Jason stayed the night again, and now that the dark circles under my eyes had disappeared, we did much more than sleep. I woke up tired the next morning, but for a wholly different reason.

The weather was beautiful, and Jason suggested cutting the workday short, and grilling in the backyard for an early dinner. I hesitated, but then reluctantly agreed. Jason had gotten used to me being able to spend time out there freely, and wouldn’t understand me being scared to go out there again. Not without me explaining what had happened, and that definitely wasn’t going to happen.

I gave myself a pep talk while Jason went to the grocery store to buy food for our impromptu barbecue. I could do this. It wasn’t a big deal.

I took a deep breath, and walked over to the door that led to the backyard. I had to be able to step outside into the backyard before Jason came back, because he would definitely be questioning if he saw me struggling.

I gripped the door handle, trying to block out the fear that was starting to fill me. Flashes of the night of the intruder went through my mind. I remembered the thuds coming from upstairs, the creak of the door as I tried to make my way out of the backyard, the rushing feeling of terror when I heard someone pursuing me from behind.

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