Page 34 of Only Forever

I debated not answering her call, but she would just persist, so I picked up the phone.

“Hi, Chloe,” I said, trying to sound upbeat. “It’s good to hear from you.”

“Yeah, right.” I could just imagine Chloe rolling her eyes. “I know you were debating on whether or not to answer my call because you thought I would nag you.”

I laughed at her disgruntled tone. Chloe had the ability to bring out the human side of me. Lately, I just felt like a robot going through the motions.

“You know me too well,” I said, smiling. “You know I love you, but I could do without your badgering.”

Chloe sighed. “You know I’m just worried about you. You can’t be happy never leaving the house and having no human interaction.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m happy,” I said slowly. “But I’m content.”

That wasn’t true. I wasn’t content. I knew this was no way to live, but the truth was, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be living. I sometimes resented every breath I took, but the alternative to living wasn’t something I was willing to do.

Chloe scoffed. “Content with what? Being a shut-in and watching reruns ofFriendsandSeinfeldevery day?”

“Don’t forget aboutI Love LucyandThe Brady Bunch,” I joked. “I appreciate the classics.”

Chloe wasn’t amused. “I’m serious, Daphne. All you do is work and watch TV. And knit. I think it’s great that you donate so much of the stuff you make to the animal shelter, but maybe you could also volunteer at the shelter. It would get you out of the house.”

That was Chloe’s number one goal. Getting me out of the house. She didn’t understand that not leaving the house wasn’t a choice. Just the thought of leaving the safety of my house made my pulse quicken with fear. I couldn’t trust the outside world. It was too unpredictable and I was scared of what could happen.

“Let’s not talk about that anymore,” I groaned. I hoped switching the topic would work. “What’s going on with you? How’s Gareth?”

“We’re doing well,” she answered, taking the bait. “Gareth got promoted at work last month, but it means working a lot more hours. But he’s happy. As for me, I could do with him being home more, but he promises that it’ll get better after he’s been in the position for a few months.”

Gareth was in finance, and he was quickly moving up the ranks in his company, but I knew Chloe would rather have him home more and have less money. She was a real estate broker, so she made her own hours, and I knew she tried to maximize their time together, but Gareth seemed like a workaholic.

“I’m sure it’ll settle down after a while,” I said consolingly. “He must just feel like he has to prove himself in the beginning.”

Chloe sighed. “I guess.” She cleared her throat before continuing. “I ran into Jenny Patterson from high school the other day. She still talks to a lot of our old classmates, and seems to know all the gossip. She told me about what Jason is up to these days.” Chloe paused, and when she spoke again, she sounded hesitant, which was unlike her. “Do you want to know what she told me?”

I hadn’t heard from Jason since we broke up right before college graduation. It was like he disappeared from the face of the earth. His mom had tried to reach out to me a few times, but I couldn’t bear to hear anything about Jason so I ignored her. I heard his family had moved away from Hyattsville a few months after graduation, and I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about running into them in town.

Then the unspeakable had happened, and I didn’t have to worry about running into anyone because I never left the house. I couldn’t help thinking about Jason now and then, wondering what he was doing with his life and if he ever thought of me. But I told myself I was glad he never contacted me, even when my mom passed away, because I didn’t want him to see how pathetic I had become.

“No,” I said resolutely, even though a part of me screamedyes.It would do me no good to hear about him, because it would just make me feel depressed and lonely. Not only because I missed him, but because I missed the person I used to be with him. Before I became too scared to live like a normal person. Before I committed an unforgivable act.

“Are you sure?” Chloe asked. “I think you might want to know, since it might affect you.”

“What do you mean, it might affect me?” Chloe was making me nervous with her enigmatic comment.

“He’s apparently coming back to Hyattsville. He doesn’t keep in contact with anyone from high school, but Jenny’s sister is friends with his younger brother, Eric. She heard from him that Jason has been in South America for the past three years working for Biotechnics Major. Apparently, he ended up accepting the job right after graduation and hasn’t been back in the States since.” Chloe paused before continuing. “He must have accepted the job offer after you guys broke up.”

That made sense. Jason had initially turned down the job from Biotechnics Major because he hadn’t wanted to be apart from me. Once I was gone from his life, why wouldn’t he accept the job offer?

“Why would he be coming back to Hyattsville?” I asked, feeling a fluttering of panic. The last thing I wanted was to see Jason. “His family doesn’t live here anymore.”

“His family never sold their house and was just renting it out. Their last renters moved out, and now they’re wanting to sell. I guess Jason is coming to get their house ready to put on the market, and taking care of getting it sold.”

I told myself not to panic. Jason was just coming into town to sell his family house. There was no reason I would see him. There was nothing between us, and we would pretend like the other didn’t exist, just like before. And it’s not like I would run into him in the supermarket or anything. I stayed within the walls of my house, where I was safe and wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him by chance.”

“Thanks for telling me,” I said, “but Jason coming back into town has nothing to do with me. There’s no chance that I’ll see him since I’m not planning on leaving the house.”

“You don’t think he’ll try to come to your house and see you?”

Just the thought of Jason coming to see me made my blood run cold. There was no way I could let him see what I had become. It was too horrible to even imagine.

---