Page 38 of Only Forever

Before I knew it, an hour had passed and I felt full and relaxed. Jason’s stories, along with a couple of glasses of wine, had put me at ease and I felt more content than I had in a long time. He had purposely avoided asking about my life, and I was grateful for it. I had told him a little about my job as an editor, which allowed me to work completely from home, but that was about all I shared of my life.

“It’s still early,” Jason said. “Why don’t we clean up and then see if we can find a movie to watch here?”

As relaxed as I felt, it was getting a little too comfy and cozy. It would be too easy to get used to having Jason around, and I would feel the loss when he left. And I had the feeling sooner or later, he would start his agenda of trying to get me ‘better.’

“I’m actually pretty tired,” I lied, when in fact I was feeling awake and alive. I faked a yawn. “I should get to bed soon.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “It’s eight o’clock. You’re going to sleep at eight o’clock?”

I felt foolish, but I stuck to my story. “I have a deadline coming up, and I have to get up early tomorrow to work.” I bit my lip. “But I appreciate you coming over and bringing dinner.”

I willed myself to say the words I needed to say. That he shouldn’t come over again, and that this was the last time I would let him inside. As much as I knew I should say it, the words were stuck in my throat. It had been so good to spend time with him. Instead of the dull ache I constantly felt, I had laughed and joked around, listened intently to thrilling stories, and shared my thoughts on issues at his job. I had felt alive.

Jason frowned when I turned down his suggestion of watching a movie, but he acquiesced. “Okay, I understand. Thanks for being good company. This was the best dinner I’ve had in a long time. And not just because of the food.”

I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. I turned down his insistent offer to help clean up, and told him I would just chuck everything in the dishwasher.

His last words to me before I closed the door was “see you soon,” and I just smiled at him. I knew that, despite knowing better, I would let him inside again.

Chapter Nineteen

It became a pattern of Jason coming over with takeout every few nights, and us eating dinner together. I learned a lot more about his job and what he had been up to these past three years. He also told me about the renovations he was doing to his parents’ house. I, in turn, shared a bit more about my life. I told him about how I had taken up knitting and how I donated dog clothes and blankets I knitted to the local animal shelter. He took so much interest in my knitting and donating, that it was a little embarrassing, but I felt a prick of pride when I showed him some of the stuff I had made and he expressed admiration.

He purposely never brought up the topic of my mother and Keith, which I appreciated. He also never brought up the topic of my mental health or leaving the house. It made me able to enjoy his company without worrying about what topic he would bring up.

A month had passed since Jason had first appeared, and I smiled when I heard the doorbell ring. He had already texted that he was coming over with dinner, asking me what I wanted. He had two large bags when I let him in, and I laughed at how full they were as he set them on the kitchen counter.

“How much food did you get?” I asked, as I started taking out endless takeout containers. “There’s only two of us.”

“Leftovers,” Jason said as he starting taking out plates and silverware. We worked in a comfortable routine getting the food ready and the dinner table set. “You can never have too much food, because then you get to have leftovers.”

“I think you ordered every dish at the Mexican restaurant,” I joked. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s probably a good idea since it’s a new restaurant so we don’t know what’s good.”

I had gotten a flyer for the new Mexican restaurant in our town, and I was hoping it was good because the one I loved had closed down. And I was a sucker for good Mexican food.

“Now, that’s the attitude I like to hear!” Jason said, grinning. He opened a couple of beers and then we dug into the food. There were a few minutes of silence as we concentrated on eating.

“I’m impressed,” I said, after devouring a couple of carne asada tacos. “It’s pretty good.”

“We should try eating at the restaurant next time,” Jason replied, taking a swig of his beer. “They have a Mariachi band on the weekends.”

I didn’t answer and kept my gaze on my plate of food, concentrating on eating. Jason paused midway of placing his beer down, seeming to be suddenly aware of what he had just said. He set his beer on the table slowly, watching me.

“I didn’t mean—“

“It’s okay,” I interrupted. I didn’t want to hear him apologize for suggesting we go out. It was a normal comment that people made all the time. It wasn’t Jason’s fault that I had turned into a freak that couldn’t leave the house. I wondered how long it would take for Jason to get bored of coming over all the time. And what scintillating conversation could I offer him? What happened on the last rerun ofFriendsI watched?

Jason changed the subject, and we pretended everything was back to normal, but I could feel the awkwardness and stiltedness in our conversation. I knew this would happen sooner or later—the start of the decline. Maybe today was the day I should try to get Jason to stop coming over. I knew he would argue if I flat-out told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, so it had to happen gradually, where he didn’t realize it was happening.

“I have a big deadline coming up at work,” I said. “I’m going to be working non-stop, so it’s probably a good idea for you to not come over for a while.”

Jason frowned, leaning back in his chair. “You still need to eat.”

“I’ll barely even have time to do that,” I rushed to explain. “I’ll just be popping meals in the microwave for the time being.”

Jason shook his head. “That’s not eating. If you have a big deadline, you should be eating actual meals so you have enough energy to work.”

I sighed. He wasn’t making this easy. “Just for a week.” I would worry about how to stop him from coming over after the week was over. I just needed him to agree to this first break.

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