Page 39 of Only Forever

Jason didn’t look convinced, but I knew he was afraid of pushing too hard. “Let me just get food delivered to you then. I want to know that you’re eating more than microwave meals.”

“I can do that on my own,” I said, exasperated. The truth was, I didn’t order delivery often because I didn’t want to deal with delivery people, even if I just instructed them to drop off the food at the front door. There had been instances where they had ignored the instructions and rang the doorbell, waiting for someone to answer. I didn’t want to take that chance if I didn’t have to.

I was relieved when Jason begrudgingly agreed. I tried to relax for the rest of dinner, but I could only breathe easy when he finally left after helping me clean up.

I realized just how much Jason’s presence this past month had affected me, when I woke up feeling down the next day. Since he had agreed to not come over for a week, there was no anticipation of him texting, saying he was coming over for dinner and asking me what I wanted. It was disquieting to see how much of an impact he had made in such a short time.

I told myself to shake off the feeling of dejection. I was fine before Jason had appeared. My life may have been monotonous, but I was surviving. If I was already feeling dispirited about not seeing Jason for a week, how much worse would it be if he was in my life for longer than a month, and then left?

I tried to distract myself with my work, but wasn’t very successful. I found my thoughts drifting to Jason. I wondered what he was doing and if he was going to stick to his word about not coming over for a week. Fortunately, I had the opposite of what I had lied about. My workload was pretty light at the moment, which saved me from falling behind since I wasn’t getting much work done.

After a lunch of microwaved lasagna, I checked the window to make sure no neighbors were outside before getting my mail. Even though my mailbox was right next to my front door, I didn’t want to chance seeing someone. Or more accurately, them seeing me.

I rifled through the usual bills and junk mail, stopping on a letter that had no stamp or postmark. I wrinkled my brow, wondering who had put the envelope directly into my mailbox. There was no return address, and my name and address was typed.

I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. When I unfolded the letter and read the contents, my world tilted on its axis.

Hiding away won’t make what you did disappear. You’ll pay for your sins, sooner or later. I’m betting on sooner.

Fear clawed at me. A wave of nausea hit me as I reread the letter over and over again. Who had sent this?Whyhad they sent this? This letter had to be about what I had done to Keith.Someone knew. Someone knew I killed him. What else could this letter be about?

I felt my legs give way, and I crumpled to the floor, the letter clutched in my hands. The letter had been typed as well, and the black letters were stark against the white of the paper. This letter hadn’t been mailed. Whoever had sent this letter had walked up to my house. They had stood in front of my house, opened the mailbox right next to my front door, and put the letter in. They had been so close.

I cursed myself again for not having a doorbell camera. I had dismissed the idea once I had realized it had been Jason at my door that first time. I had been stupid for not installing one.

I paused at the thought. All these years had gone by in silence, and then Jason had appeared, and all of a sudden, I get an anonymous threatening note?

I shook my head. I was being ridiculous. Jason had nothing to do with this. He hadn’t even known about my mother and Keith dying until recently. And he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.

I wracked my brain, trying to think who could have possibly sent me this note. No one knew what had really happened. The police had readily accepted the scenario of a murder-suicide. I had been deemed an innocent witness to a horrific tragedy. No one knew what really happened.No one.

The memory of the way the knife felt piercing Keith’s body rushed over me, and I half ran/crawled to the bathroom. I barely made it before getting sick in the toilet. My stomach heaved and heaved, until there was nothing left to throw up, but my body kept spasming, trying to rid the memory of what I had done.

I lay on the bathroom floor, the cold tile making sure I knew this was reality and not a nightmare. I had hated being a prisoner in my own home, but now I wished I could barricade myself in here with metal bars and steel doors.

It was a while before I could gather myself to stand up. I leaned over the sink, splashing cold water on my face over and over again. I stared at myself in the mirror, water sluicing down my face and my eyes bloodshot from the strain of throwing up. What was happening? Who had sent that letter? Could it possibly mean anything besides what had happened with Keith?

I was a mess for the rest of the day. Every little sound made me jump, and even in the security of my house, I felt unsafe. I felt like eyes were watching me, even though I had made sure every shade was closed in the house. Even though it was a sunny day, you never would have known from the darkness of my house. I felt like the darker my house, the less someone could see me.

I barely slept that night. The next day, I was relieved when I saw my package had been delivered. I had bought a doorbell camera online, and paid extra for an overnight rush delivery. I quickly installed it, downloading the monitoring app on my cell phone. I still didn’t feel safe, but at least now I would see anyone approaching my door.

I jumped when a notification sounded on my phone, but it was just a text from Jason. I answered his text asking how I was doing and how work was coming along with a terseFinein response. The last thing I needed was Jason to find out what was happening. It would open up questions about what the letter meant, and there was no way anyone, especially Jason, would find out the truth.

Chapter Twenty

I wasn’t able to get any work done during the day, and I felt nauseous every time I tried to eat. Most of the day was spent checking and rechecking my doorbell camera app to make sure I hadn’t missed any notifications. Thankfully, I was able to fall asleep that night. But it was a sleep full of nightmares, and I still felt exhausted the next morning. Fear was the only thing keeping me going at this point. I somehow made it through the day. Work was out of the question, so I just mindlessly watched TV, waiting for something to happen, although nothing did. I fell into bed, exhausted from constantly being on alert, to be met with another night of disturbing dreams.

The next day, I tried to work, but I was so jittery that it was hard to focus. I forced myself to eat a yogurt, despite the protests of my nervous stomach. I settled into the couch afterwards, picking up my knitting and trying to get lost in the familiar rerun of a favorite show.

I was able to relax a bit, as the repetitive motions of knitting released tension I had been holding in my body. It helped that I had the security of the doorbell camera, and I regretted not getting it sooner.

After a few hours, I made myself a simple sandwich for lunch. I was midway through when a notification for the doorbell camera went off. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was just the mailman. I waited until he drove off in his mail truck to retrieve my mail, and did so as quickly as possible, still paranoid that there could be eyes on me.

I quickly rifled through the mail, even though I knew there wouldn’t be another anonymous letter. I felt like I was hit by a mack truck when I saw another letter with my name and address printed in the front, exactly the way it had before. But this time, the letter was stamped and postmarked.

I told myself that it couldn’t possibly be from the same person. It was probably an innocent solicitor letter. That didn’t stop my hands from trembling when I ripped open the envelope. My blood ran cold when I saw the typed letter.

You think you’re smart setting up a camera, but that can’t stop me. Soon, I’ll give you what you deserve. You’re a murderer and you need to pay.

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