Page 16 of For the Love of a Boy

Chapter Five

Malcolm took a sip of his iced tea, then set it on the table next to his mostly empty plate. Seth was still polishing off his burger from the upscale 5th Street Public Market eatery where they’d chosen to grab a quick bite. He’d wanted to get them fortified for the Christmas shopping they had ahead of them. The chance to relax after the emotionally draining therapy session had been needed as well.

At first, Seth hadn’t wanted to eat anything. And while Malcolm was prone to coddling him, he knew that going without food wouldn’t help his emotional state any. So, on the way back from Hillsboro, they’d stopped at a park to walk around a bit, take in some cool, fresh air. The diversion had given them some distance between Seth’s appointment and their next destination. The park visit had done the trick.

“That was really good, Da—” Seth glanced around. “Um. It was really good.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Malcolm nudged Seth’s toe under the table with the tip of his boots. “You can use my name, you know.”

Seth tugged his ear, his gaze still wandering the room as if verifying no one was listening. “Yeah.” His eyes locked on Malcolm’s. “It’s like I said, though. I don’t want to think of you in any other way. Does that bother you?”

His poor baby looked so insecure. The day had taken a toll on them both. “Not at all.” He bumped Seth’s toe again. “It pleases me.”

Seth’s eyes widened before his lips curled in a smile. He bumped Malcolm back. “Oh. Okay.”

“And sweetheart, if you’re too tired, we can always save the shopping excursion for another day. I’m sure we’ll be coming back here, as well as hitting the mall, more than once before Christmas anyway.” He chuckled. “I might’ve overshot my expectations for today. I forget how long a drive that is to Portland and back.” He shook his head, smiling. “Used to do it all the time without a second thought.”

“I’m okay, but if you’re too tired we don’t have to stay.” Seth wiggled on his chair. “Um, so were you doing that drive all the time because of the club there?”

It was the second time that day Seth had brought up the club. Malcolm was filled with curiosity but would tread carefully. “Yes, that was the main reason. When we take our Portland trip, I can drive you past it so you can see what it’s like.”

Seth dropped his gaze and began to fiddle with his crumpled napkin. “Sure.” He bit his lip. “I might get a better idea of what it’s like if went inside, though. I mean, only if you want to.” He noticeably swallowed, still not meeting Malcolm’s eyes. “You probably don’t want to.”

“I wouldn’t mind. It’s been a long time, so I’d be curious to see how the place has changed.”

Seth lifted his gaze. “You would?”

“Sure.”

Malcolm studied Seth, trying to determine how serious he was about going or if he was simply testing his boundaries. The lure of the unknown might have gripped Seth, but actually following through could still be too much for him.

This coddling is out of control.

But how could he help it? At the same time, he couldn’t hold Seth back, discourage him when he was expressing interest in something. Seth deserved to have his desires taken into consideration even when all Malcolm wanted to do was protect him from anything and everything.

Malcolm decided to take the plunge. “So, if we went to the club, we’d need to add getting you something appropriate to wear to our shopping list.”

If Malcolm wasn’t already so on edge about Seth’s wellbeing, he would’ve burst out laughing at Seth’s reaction. His expression of horror told Malcolm that his poor boy was likely imagining some of the lewd fashion he’d seen men wearing at the fetish sites.

“Um, that’s okay, never mind. We don’t have to go.”

“Can I ask you something first, sweetheart?”

Seth nodded as he tore the paper napkin to shreds. “Always. It’s the same for you as it is for me. Ask anything you want.”

Malcolm grinned, prouder of Seth than ever. “Thank you, baby.” He straightened in his chair and leaned forward to keep their conversation more private. “Were you picturing having to wear skin-tight leather and chains? Something too revealing?”

Seth glanced up, wincing. “Yeah. That’s what I was thinking. I know it’s no big deal in a place like that, but I’d faint. Besides, wearing that sort of thing isn’t me. I’m not...flashy or whatever. Maybe it’s part of that conditioning Dr. Clay was talking about, but I’m very uncomfortable drawing attention to myself.” He shrugged. “Someday I might feel differently. But I kinda doubt it.”

“I kinda doubt it, too.”

Seth drew his eyebrows together. “You don’t want me to wear things like that? I could try it at home, just for you.”

Malcolm shook his head. “I wouldn’t stop you from wearing them, but what clothes you wear means nothing to me. I’m not interested in changing who you are, remember? I love everything about you.”

“I love everything about you too, Daddy.” He snapped his jaw shut then took a quick glance around. “That was close. I don’t think anyone heard.”

Malcolm rubbed his forehead. “Even if someone did, it’s none of their business.”

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