Page 33 of In the Name of the Father

Malcolm pressed his lips in a thin line and took a breath before he spoke. Sometimes he wanted to grab Seth and shake him until he understood he was worth being around as something more than a charity case.

“First off, my idea was based on mealsobeing entertained by your company and wanting to spend a nice day outside. And while it might seem as though I haven’t been asking much of you since you’ve been here, I thought it best you take a few days to get settled in. You’re not here to be my servant, Seth.”

Seth had lowered his head and shoved his hands into the pocket of the jeans he’d put on after his nap. Malcolm scrubbed the top of his head, frustration eating at him that he couldn’t go all in with Seth. His half-ass efforts at embracing Seth as his boy were an epic fail. The message was too confusing.

Seth lifted his gaze. “I know I don’t understand what’s best, I’m not good at that type of thing. I’ll go along with whatever you say. I promise I won’t keep questioning you.”

Malcolm wanted to kick his own ass. He was fucking up. “If…if we were under different…”Shit. How do I explain this without explaining it? “circumstances, maybe I’d want that with you.” Malcolm rubbed the back of his neck. “What you just said.” He sighed before he could stop himself. “I tell you what. If you need to question me, I give you permission to do that, all right? You’re at a big crossroads in your life right now. I think it’s wise that you reclaim your power first before you decide who you want to give it to.”

Seth furrowed his brow, but something Malcolm had said seemed to have resonated. Malcolm resisted letting out a groan of relief.

“Okay. I’ll try that. Then can I question whether it’s right that I don’t give you money to stay here and I don’t do anything to help either?”

Malcolm snort-laughed. “Yes, you may.” Malcolm considered their quandary. “I think I have a compromise that would work for us both. I’ve been putting off mulching the roses in the backyard, so what if we did that in the morning then visited the Arboretum in the afternoon?”

Seth broke into a wide smile. “Sure. I can do that.”

Malcolm rubbed his hands together. “Excellent. Good job on stating your feelings. Ready to eat?”

“Thank you.” Seth’s grin grew bigger. “And yeah, I’mstarving.”

Encouraging the happiness that shone from Seth’s eyes was Malcolm’s new daily goal. His only other concern was whether he could keep from crossing boundaries that weren’t ready to be crossed.

And might never be.

* * * *

Seth wiped his palms on his jeans as Malcolm pulled into the driveway of the Healing Hands Ministries. The action was a bad habit, but he figured he could worry about improving it another day. So far, not freaking out when he met Pastor Callum was about all he could handle. For the past week, he’d gotten into a good routine at Malcolm’s place and that morning he’d questioned whether he should follow through with the appointment.

“I won’t insist you go if you really don’t want to. But I can’t discuss religion with you, I wouldn’t know what to say. My fear is that if you hide from that part of your life, it will come back and bite you in the ass someday.”

Malcolm put the car in park then took his hand. That had become a regular thing between them. Seth still couldn’t tell if it was meant as anything more than friendly concern. Still, he kept playing the moment over and over in his head when he’d been sure they were about to kiss.

“How are you feeling?” Malcolm regarded him with fondness.

Seth sucked in a deep breath. “I’ve been better.”

Malcolm gave him a reassuring smile as he brushed some of Seth’s hair back from his face. “I’ll be right here in the truck if you need me.”

Seth swallowed hard. “Are you sure you can’t come in with me? I’ve told you the worst of everything. I don’t have anything to hide, so I think it’d be all right.”

Malcolm gathered both of Seth’s hands into his own then rested them together on the center console.

“Sweetheart…” Malcolm stroked his thumbs over Seth’s skin. “This is for you. Like I explained before, Pastor Callum can speak to you from a uniquely specific place that I can’t. It would mean a lot to me if you’d take this opportunity to do that with him. I honestly believe it’ll be a big step toward beginning to heal your past.” Malcolm squeezed his hands. “Trust me?”

“I do. Completely.” Seth let out a sigh. “I wish I could stop shaking. This probably sounds ridiculous, but could you at least walk me up there? I keep having this flash that a bunch of guys from my church are hiding behind the door, ready to drag me away as soon as I go inside.”

“Jesus.”

Malcolm’s eyes were filled with sorrow. Seth hadn’t heard Malcolm curse once since after their first night, but he understood. Some days the situation with his former life made him want to curse up a storm. Malcolm brought Seth’s knuckles to his lips and gave them a kiss. Seth’s eyes widened.

He’s never done that before.

“Seth, I was planning on escorting you anyway, but to hear you voice that fear…” Malcolm’s eyes shone. “I’ll never let them near you.Ever.”

“Okay. Sorry I’m being so…”

He stopped himself from saying ‘pathetic’. They’d been working all week on him not putting himself down. He’d never realized how bad of a habit it was.

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