Page 66 of Gambler's Fallacy

I bite my bottom lip, desperate to escape, but when I try to stand up, Havoc’s hold on me tightens. “Hey, Seven, calm down.”

Calm down.

Like I can really calm down when they have me cornered like this.

Twenty-one steps, my mind supplies.

“Let me go,” I demand. “I’m not doing this.”

“And then, after your panic attack—” Caleb gets up and takes a few steps closer.

I look up at him and shake my head. “I didn’t panic!”

“After your panic attack,” Caleb continues, “You used sex with Vortex to hurt yourself. That was wrong of you, Seven.”

I freeze, both fear and anger washing over me as Caleb talks about Vortex. “I… it…” I stammer. “I didn’t hurt myself. I just blew him. He was fine with it!”

But was he?

Doubt starts to creep in, and I realize I have no idea whether Vortex was actually fine with it. The idea that he might not have been, that I might haveforced himin any way, has me utterly on edge, and I find myself clawing at my arms with my sharp nails before Havoc grabs my wrist and forces me to stop.

I whine, trying to pull away from him, but he doesn’t let go.

“Vortex wants to take care of you,” Havoc says quietly. “He wouldn’t want you hurting yourself like this.”

“I’m not—” I begin to say, only to stop myself. I clench my hands into fists, trying not to let the feeling of being trapped overwhelm me. “I’ll apologize,” I say desperately. “I didn’t mean to upset anyone or hurt anyone or do any of those things.”

What if I’m exactly like them?

Don’t cry. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

Caleb stops in front of me and lifts my chin up with a single finger. “This isn’t the worst news I’m bringing you, Seven. But tell mewhyyou did it. What upset you so badly?”

“Who says I was upset?” I ask, trying to lift my hands up to wipe at my eyes, but Havoc’s fingers are firm around my wrists. “Maybe I just wanted to gamble.”

But the words sound weak even to my own ears.

“Get it over with,” Havoc says. “Like a bandaid.”

My vision blurs from the tears I’m so desperate not to let fall, and my shoulders sag. “They’re here. All the time, they’re here,” I choke out. “They’re watching me, they’re waiting for me, and they want me to know it.”

“Who’s here, Seven?” Caleb asks, and despite how gentle his voice is, I’m still desperate to get free of this.

“My family,” I whisper. “I saw… I saw someone, the night of the fight. And I don’t know who they’re sending that I don’t—” I nearly choke on my words. “That I don’t recognize. And Linda…” I trail off, unable to continue. I can’t say the words. Ican’t.

“What did Linda do?” Havoc demands sharply. “If she hurt you?—”

I shake my head quickly, even though she’d scared me so badly.

Even though she’d made me panic.

“She’s likeher,” I whisper, feeling like I’m breaking as I turn my head so I don’t have to look at Caleb.

“Like who?” Havoc asks.

I squeeze my eyes shut and silently beg Caleb not to make me do this.

“She’s like Madam Abigail Lockwood, isn’t she?” Caleb answers.

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