Page 67 of Gambler's Fallacy

That sound that escapes me makes me sound like a wounded animal, a quiet keening that makes me feel even worse becauseMadam Abigail Lockwoodwould be furious at me for ever sounding like this.

“Abigail Lockwood? Who’s she?” Havoc asks, confused. “I’m two steps behind here.”

“Who is she, Seven?” Caleb asks, gripping my chin and forcing me to look up at him. “Tell Havoc who Abigail Lockwood is.”

I shake my head, trying to remember how to breathe even as big, horrible sounds escape me over and over again, but Caleb isn’t going to let this go. Not until I say it. Not until Havoc knows.

I hate him for doing this to me.

I hate him for forcing me to tell Havoc.

I hate him for making me feel all this shame and panic and grief, and he was right: he was going to make me cry.

“My… My…” I can’t say it. Ican’t. I sob, and this time when I try to bury my face in my hands, Caleb lets me. It’s only then that I can choke out, “She’s my mother.”

And god, she always hates it when I cry.

It doesn’t make me look attractive, it sounds pathetic, and myclientsdon’t want to hear it.

Even thirty lashes wouldn’t fix this.

My world is shattering, and the fact that Caleb knows the truth of who she is — of who I am to her — makes those ugly sounds keep coming out of me.

“Fuck,” Havoc hisses, tightening his embrace around me.

Caleb leans down and presses his lips against mine. “Good job, pet. I’m proud of you.”

I let out an ugly, horrible laugh. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you,” I chant, over and over again, and she’d…

She’d do worse than lash me for that.

But I deserve it.

Caleb kisses one of my tears. “That was extremely hard. But that’s why we’re here.” He makes a strange sound. “I was going to suggest a bath, but your tears?—”

My misery.

He’s getting off on my misery, and I should hate him forthatmore than I hate him for making me say those words aloud, but I don’t.

Instead, wild hope flutters in my chest, and I look pleadingly at him as tears continue to run down my face. “Please,” I whisper.

But then I remember what he’d said, and the thought that maybe Vortex hadn’t wanted it, hadn’t wantedme, and my heart shatters all over again.

No one wants me.

No one but my family.

“I want to go home,” I say, my voice shaking so hard that it’s all I can do to get the words out.

“Fuck that,” Havoc says immediately. “Your ownmotherdid… did… she did that shit to you? No. You’re staying.”

Caleb smiles gently. “On that, Havoc and I will agree. You’re ours, Seven. I’m not letting her take you from us.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want you. I don’t want any of you. I don’t.”

But I do want them. I want them so badly. I want them to hold me and kiss me and…

And fuck me hard and fast and brutal, until I can’t even think anymore, because I don’t know how else to deal with this.

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