Page 13 of Defensive Zone

Once everything is packed, I sit on the edge of the bed and look up the next flights out to O’Hare. There’s one leaving in two hours. I know Carter isn’t going to let me go without a fight, but Elliot’s words filter back to me, reminding me that I have the perfect excuse. I’ll land in time to make it to the party at Blaine’s apartment. I book it before I can second-guess and talk myself out of it.

I need to do this. I need to be selfish and put myself first. If not for my heart, then for us. I don’t want to cut him from my life, but I don’t know if having my heart continuously broken will get to the point where I become resentful. Make me start acting out of character.

I check my room and en suite again, making sure I’ve packed everything, then order a rideshare to the airport. I know I’ll have to sit around, but I can’t stay in this house any longer.

Heading downstairs, suitcase in hand, I rehearse what I’m going to tell him in my mind. I’m going back to Chicago for the twins’ birthday. I need to act as normal as possible to avoid any suspicions. But the moment I reach the bottom of the stairs and see the confusion flooding Carter’s expression, the words disappear from my brain. He jumps up from the couch where he’s sitting with Raegan like his ass is on fire and walks over to where I’ve stopped by the door. His gaze jumps from me to my suitcase, those dark brows furrowing deeper and deeper as each second passes.

“Zach…” There’s a note of caution in his tone. “What’s going on? What happened?”

“Nothing’s happened. I decided to head back to Chicago.”

“But… why? Your flight isn’t for another six weeks.”

My eyes lock with Raegan’s over his shoulder. Her bottom lip is tugged between her teeth, and there’s pity in her eyes.

She knows.How could she not?

She’s caught me on several occasions watching Carter. When I allowed my shield to drop and the love I have for him was so prominent, I couldn’t hide it.

When I bring my attention back to Carter, I’m not prepared for the heartbreak I see. His brown eyes glisten with unshed tears. Fuck. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to walk away.

I think she’s the one.

The memory of his words hits me square in the chest. I raise my hand, rubbing over the center of my chest, trying to ease away the ache.

“I… I don’t want to be in the way, plus it’s the twins’ birthday today and Alex is throwing them a party tonight. Elliot called me earlier, practically begging me to go.” I shrug, hoping it comes across as relaxed, but my entire body is tense. “You know I can’t say no to him. So, I figured, why not go back early?”

Carter’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard. His voice cracks as he says, “But I don’t want you to go.”

I wince.

He’ll get over it. Raegan will distract him with her witty charm and infectious laughter, and he will soon forget about how I left earlier than normal. He’ll be so wrapped up in this new relationship and training camp, it’ll fill the void he would have felt before.

But me? I’ll be working on getting over these feelings once and for all.

I’ve been in love with Carter Lockwood for nearly two decades, and I don’t think my heart can cope any longer.

Today marks the day I take a step back to protect myself. To learn how I can be the friend he needs, the one who can support him without the constant heartache.

“You won’t even notice I’m gone.” I squeeze his shoulder and force a smile.

“What if I speak with Coach about reducing my training time? We can go hiking. We can try out that new burger place we keep talking about.” His voice gets higher and higher with each word, panic laced in his tone.

“You know that’s not an option.” I shake my head softly. “I just need to go home.”

Home is wherever the other one is, you got it?

His words from when we graduated college come barreling back at full force. And from the distraught expression on his face, he’s remembering them too.

His mouth opens and closes a few times, like he’s trying to argue but can’t think of the words to say. After a minute, he takes a step forward and engulfs me in his arms so tightly, it knocks the breath from my lungs. I wrap my arms around him, returning his hug as Raegan watches us from her spot on the couch.

“I’m sorry,” she mouths, remorse lining her brows.

I squeeze my eyes closed and return Carter’s hug. When he finally lets go and takes a step back, his eyes are shimmering wet, tears clinging to his dark lashes. I fucking hate that I’ve upset him.

“I won’t get to see you until November.” His voice shakes.

“I know.” I rub the back of my neck. “At least we had Hawaii, and these last few weeks.”

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