Page 18 of Two Minutes for Holding

It was weird being here without Mom. She’d decided to stay in Vancouver with Knox and Lorelai for a while. Well, they’d insisted she stay, just like they had with me. I’d fought them though because I had to work, but I was glad Mom had stayed. The last thing I wanted was for her to come back here and get involved with William again, especially right now. I figured he’d be hanging around waiting for her like some bird of prey, and it honestly surprised me I didn’t find him camped out in the driveway waiting for her return.

I grabbed the mail as I entered the house, flipped the lights on, and slipped out of my coat. I locked the front door and then glanced down the hall toward the dark kitchen. The house was soquiet, something I didn’t normally think about when Mom was here.

I grabbed the mail from where I’d placed it while hanging up my coat and went into the kitchen, flipping the lights on there. I grabbed a mug and teabag from the cupboard and turned the kettle on. While I waited for it to boil, I flipped through the mail, separating everything into piles.

Once I’d gone through everything, I saw I had three letters, Mom had five bills, and then there was a pile of what I’d deemed garbage mail that sat higher than them all. Each envelope in the junk mail pile had Mom’s name written on the outside, all in William’s handwriting.

I quickly opened the cupboard where we kept the garbage bin and deposited the pile of envelopes and all their contents into the bin without opening one of them just in time for the kettle to boil.

After pouring my tea, I carried my mug into the living room, turned the TV on, and then started tidying up the room. We’d left in such a hurry the night Knox arrived, that we’d not had time to straighten up. I folded the blankets that were on the couch and started neatly stacking them on the end when I heard a knock on the door.

Irritation flooded me. I didn’t feel like visitors. I took a sip of tea before heading to the door. I was certain it would be William. So sure, I’d have put money on it. It appeared he’d been by every day we’d been gone to drop off an envelope, and now that the lights were on inside the place, he’d knock instead.

Without checking to see who it was, I opened the door and was about to tell him to get lost when I looked up and saw Tor standing there, leaning against the house wearing his dirty, worn, and ripped leather jacket and his usual dirty jeans. It appeared he hadn’t even showered in a couple of days. His hairwas such a mess. As I looked at him, I wondered what the hell had I ever seen in him?

“Tor? What are you—”

“We need to talk,” he said, not giving me a chance to finish.

“We have nothing to talk about,” I said, shutting the door, but before I could, he stopped it with his hand.

I tried to shove it closed, but he overpowered me like always and pushed his way into the house, first looking into the living room to see if anyone was here with me, then glancing down the hall to the kitchen.

“You here alone?” he asked.

Without thinking, I nodded. “What do you want?” I questioned, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

It was at that moment, right there, the tone of his voice, his body language, that things changed for me. Well, perhaps it was Saturday night as I sat in the bar talking with Clay, and after we’d left, that had changed things. Regardless, until that point, the way Tor treated me had been fine. Now it wasn’t. I couldn’t believe that only a couple of months ago, I’d practically run back into Tor’s arms on his stupid, empty promises.

When I’d returned the last time, we’d worked things out, I’d talked to him about the cheating, his abusive words, and how things needed to change. I’d talked to him about not being able to support his drug habit anymore, and he’d promised me he’d change. So, I decided that I’d give him a second chance to see where our relationship could lead.

Of course, he’d treated me no differently than he ever had. Demanding to know where I was every moment of every day, dragging me deeper into trouble with his actions, and dragging me deeper into believing how he treated me was how I was supposed to be treated.

Also, in true Tor fashion, he’d done nothing but cheat and cheat again, each time making me feel like some object that didn’t have a choice in the matter.

I’d always chose the troubled men, and it seemed to follow me everywhere I went, even to Vancouver. That was what I learned that night in The Tilted Flask. In my mind, there was nothing wrong with him or the way he was treating me at first, until Clay pointed out the obvious. I was now beginning to wonder if maybe I wasn’t the problem here, and because that kind of treatment was what I knew, it was what I was comfortable around.

That night in Vancouver, the guy who’d hit on me had made me feel so uncomfortable and dirty. He’d been whispering all the things he’d do to me if I’d let him, and if I hadn’t recognized Clay at the bar, and he hadn’t come over to see if I was okay… I shuddered to think about what would have happened.

“Are you going to answer me or just stand there with that stupid look on your face?” Tor demanded.

“Does it really matter where I’ve been?” I questioned, keeping my back straight.

“If it didn’t matter, I would ask. Now where the fuck were you?”

I could see the anger in his eyes, but for the first time, I wasn’t afraid. After watching my mother with William, and now seeing Tor’s reaction, I knew they were the same, and that in a matter of weeks I could be in the same situation as my mother if I didn’t take control of the situation now. If that type of relationship wasn’t okay for her, then why was I settling for it?

“I went away for a bit.” I shrugged, determined not to be afraid of him any longer.

“You went away for a bit,” he mimicked, his steely grey eyes piercing into me.

“Yes, Mom and I went to Vancouver to visit Knox.”

“Ah, yes, your rich hockey player, brother. Get any money?” he questioned.

I’d made the mistake the last time of telling Tor about the money Knox had given me to get myself settled in school once they’d reinstated me. Instead of taking that money he’d given and getting the books I needed for my return to school, I’d made the mistake of telling Tor and he’d convinced me to give it to him. He’d spent every dime on alcohol and drugs, which had forced me to lie to my brother again. Instead, I’d had to scrape up some money from my part-time job and bought one textbook instead. For the rest of my courses, I used outdated books that I’d been able to get in the library.

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