Page 31 of Fear of Intimacy

Trying to gain a bit of control, I turned to face her. Even though it was dark, the moon highlighted the tears running down her face. Tears that had no right being there. The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

“Did he…?” I couldn’t even bring myself to finish saying it. She shook her head.

“H-he touched me, but I kneed him in the balls and ran.” Red hot anger flared in my chest. Furious at the person who dared to lay a finger on her.

“Tasha.”

“When you kissed me, I got a flashback and freaked out and ran. It wasn’t you I swear I…” Tasha rambled. I noticed more tears welling in her eyes as her breathing picked up. I didn’t hesitate in grabbing her by the arms and pulling her into my chest. She was stiff as a board in my hold.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Her body shuddered as if she was finally letting it all out. I wasn’t fazed when her hands came up and hit my chest. “It’s not okay!”

Tears ran down her face as she hit my chest harder. I stood there, arms holding her close. There was no real impact to the hits. If I had to stand there all night and let her get her anger out, I gladly would.

After a few minutes, I felt her body sag against me as the anger faded and the tears came harder. I wrapped my arms tighter around her frame and held her as she cried into my shirt. It took everything I had not to let my rage show. The last thing Tasha needed was to think my feelings were directed at her.

Bending my head forward, I placed it in the crook of her neck. It felt like a knife being stabbed into my chest repeatedly at the thought of what happened to her. That someboythought it would be okay to lay a finger on her.

I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, but Tasha slowly calmed down. I wanted nothing more than to keep her in my arms and make sure nothing and no one touched her. Eventually, she slowly pulled back. She met my eyes and once again my heart squeezed. Those gorgeous gray eyes were red and swollen from crying. Even so, she was beautiful.

Bringing my hands up, I gently cupped her face in my palms. My thumbs brushed away the wetness on her cheeks. “You are so strong,” I spoke softly.

“But I’m not,” she croaked.

“Yes, you are. And when you think you aren't, I will be right here to remind you.” And I meant every single word.

“You think too highly of me.” Tasha sniffled.

“You think too little of yourself.” My thumb caught another tear. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she leaned into my hands. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

No wonder she ran away that night. Kissing her probably took her back to that moment, and here I was being selfish thinking about only myself. It never hit me that maybe she was going through something traumatic.

Having her in front of me, touching her, eased the pressure in my chest. She was here, and she was safe.

My arms moved to cradle her against me, feeling her relax as the minutes passed. The crashing waves made it feel like we were in a little bubble of our own. We stayed just like that for a while longer. When Tasha started to shift in my arms, I knew it was time to head back. After our long day and this, I bet she was exhausted.

“Let’s get you back,” I spoke softly as I reluctantly dropped my arms. With a small nod, she stepped back. My eyebrows raised when she laced her arm with mine and started back toward the hotel.

We were both quiet as we walked back, but I found myself glancing down at her every few seconds. My heart broke knowing what she went through, but I also knew she wouldn’t like me feeling sorry for her.

Every time I glanced down at her, my heart thudded in my chest, but I pushed it aside. The last thing Tasha needed was me trying to be more than her friend. Because she needed a friend more than anything right then. So, while I wanted more, I would push that aside and be what she needed instead.

11

TASHA

“Then he asked me to move in with him!” Mila gushed, the widest grin on her face. She was giddy as the four of us walked down the cobblestone street that weaved its way through the little town on the island. “He said he wanted to buy a house for the two of us.”

I smiled at the way she was almost bouncing on her toes as she walked. She was like the energizer bunny this morning. Not that I blamed her. Moving in with your boyfriend was a huge step. She and Bryton were the cutest couple; he basically worshipped the ground she walked on.

“We’re so happy for you.” I grinned at her.

“Told you this vacation was going to be good for us.” Josie beamed, looping her arm through mine.

At her words, my head moved on its own, glancing over my shoulder at the person walking behind me. The sight of Trevor made my stomach flip. Last night didn’t go as planned. After going back and forth during dinner, I made the decision to tell him, despite being scared out of my mind. I didn’t want him to look at me differently, but he did deserve an explanation.

It felt oddly nice to tell someone besides Josie. It had been weighing down on me for months, and while I wasn’t healed from it, I did feel a bit lighter telling Trevor.

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