Page 30 of Fear of Intimacy

“And humble.”

“The most humblest.”

“That’s not even a word dumb ass.” Tasha shook her head, but I saw the ghost of a smile on her face.

“Ready?” I put my hands in my pockets, trying my hardest to resist the urge to grab her and pull her toward me. With a small nod, she headed for the door leading outside.

The sun had long since set as we walked the path toward the beach once again. I peeked at Tasha from the corner of my eye. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun, and under the lights, I could see her cheeks were a soft pink color from being out in the sun.

A part of me was worried she wouldn’t show, but walking side by side with our brushing, I was glad she did.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I asked. We’d been walking for a little bit in silence.

“Just a penny? Worth at least a hundred bucks or so.”

“Smart ass.” I bumped her shoulder with mine. “Seriously, what has you so quiet?”

We walked a little bit farther, shoes in hand, sand squishing between our toes, the waves crashing the only sound around us. I waited patiently, not wanting to push her to talk if she didn’t want to.

“I never apologized for what happened that night we….”

“Kissed,” I supplied.

“Yeah, that.”

“You don’t have to.” I shook my head, but she cut me off.

“I do. I left without an explanation, and I’m sorry.”

“Did…” I hesitated for a moment. “Did I do something?”

“No, it wasn’t you,” Tasha rushed out. “I…” I could tell she was struggling with what she wanted to say.

“If it’s uncomfortable to talk about, that’s fine, we don’t need to. I just wanted to know if it was something I did, so Ican make sure I never do it again.” I gently pulled her to a stop with her elbow.

“The thing is Iwantto tell you. You deserve to know because you didn’t do anything. I just… I don’t know how.” When she glanced up at me, her eyes were watery. The sight felt like someone reached into my chest and gripped my heart in their fist.

“I've only ever told Josie, and I don’t want you to look at me or think of me differently because you probably will, and I can’t stand that,” Tasha rambled, looking anywhere but at me.

“Hey.” Reaching out, I gently grabbed her chin and tilted her head back. “I will never judge you. For anything. Ever. You may not know me that well, but you will learn I don’t judge someone based on their past. Got that?” My thumb smoothed over her skin. She gazed up at me with wide eyes but nodded.

Letting her chin go, I started walking again, thinking maybe it would help her talk if I wasn’t staring at her. A few more minutes passed in silence before Tasha cleared her throat as if readying herself for what she was about to say.

“A month or so before I met you, I was out at a club with some friends. I tried to get Josie to go, but she was so cut off from everything. I could barely get her out of her apartment unless it was for work. So, I went with some other friends, and we were dancing, having a great time.”

From the corner of my eye, I watched as she kicked at the sand, hands clenched at her sides. A sense of dread washed over me at her story.

“Somehow, we got separated. One moment I was dancing with my friends, and the next I was in a darker corner of the dance floor. A random guy came up and started grinding on me, even though I told him no.” The way her voice dropped as she spoke made the hair on the back ofmy neck stand up. Please tell me this wasn’t going where I thought it was.

“He, uh… He didn’t like me saying that. Because of where I was dancing, no one saw him grab me and drag me toward the bathrooms in the back.”

“Tasha.” My voice came out in a strangled whisper, the dread in my stomach growing with each passing second. Tasha all but stopped walking as she stared straight ahead, almost lost in the memory.

“He pushed me against the wall…” She trailed off, unable to say more.

I was clenching my jaw so hard it felt like my teeth were on the brink of shattering. My chest heaved as images of Tasha flashed through my head.

Tasha. Fuck.

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