Page 32 of Fear of Intimacy

What happened that night in the club was… There really weren’t any words to say what it was. It should have never happened to anyone, and yet it did. At first, I felt ashamed. Ashamed that I put myself in that situation because I should have known better. The shame and the guilt was what kept me from telling Josie immediately. I also figured that as a counselor, I should be able to deal with my own trauma.

It wasn’t until one night when the two of us were sitting in her living room having our weekly wine night that I broke down and told her everything. It was her words that night that helped me. It wasn’t my fault. It would never bemyfault. But even I knew it would take some time before I fully believed that.

So, I took Josie’s advice and went to Florida where my parents had a condo. They rarely ever went there, so I was safe to go and be alone. I hated not having anyone with me, but in the end, it really helped.

When I finally came home, I felt better. A lot better. I wasn’t going to let one moment define me or my future. So, in a whole new headspace, I was happy to get back to my daily rhythm. Happy to get back to my life.

But then, when that night with Trevor happened, I wasn’t expecting to freak out on him. I hadn’t been with anyone after being assaulted, so feeling someone’s hands on me sent my mind reeling. I did the only thing I could in that moment and ran

Later that night, all I could picture was Trevor’s face and how he would react if he knew the truth. If he knew the reason I freaked out, he’d probably think I was damaged goods. I highly doubted Trevor would want to be withsomeone like that. And as much as I liked him, I couldn’t subject him to that.

With all that in mind, I kept my distance. I forced aside my attraction and kept our interactions to a minimum. But being on this island… Things were starting to shift. The hold on my feelings was slipping with each day that passed. I didn’t know if Trevor sensed it last night, but I did.

“I’m excited to finally see the island.” Lydia’s voice broke me out of my trance. Looking away from Trevor, I nodded along with the others. Having spent the last few days at the hotel, it was nice to finally see more of what Whitsunday Islandhad to offer.

In my hand, I held a pamphlet that we got from the hotel this morning. It labeled some of the popular places to see, recommended restaurants, and a small map of the town.

“Where to first, ladies?” Wyatt came up, putting his arms over mine and Josie’s shoulders.

“Should we look at some of the stores first then maybe go see some sights?” I suggested, catching Wyatt’s eye.

“Works for me.” He grinned, dropping his arm from my shoulder and steering Josie toward a store in front of us. I stared after the two with a grin.

“Think she knows?” Trevor’s voice spoke next to me a second later.

“I don’t think so. I think Bryton asking Mila to move in has helped to distract her from the possibility of anything else happening.”

“Look at my boys growing up.”

“When’s your turn,” I joked, elbowing his side.

“Ha ha.” He looked down at me. “I’m fully grown.” Trevor gestured to his body.

Scrunching my nose, I shook my head. “Physically, yes. Mentally…no.”

“That hurts, Sunshine.”

“Good.” I flashed him a grin before starting after the others who were already ahead of us.

“You know, I think you’re jealous.”

“Oh, am I?”

“Yep, you want to be me. I get it.” He said it so seriously.

“Again, I am?” I asked.

“You just see how awesome and amazing and think to yourself, ‘Damn, I want to be him so bad.’ I don’t blame you.”

My lips twitched as he smiled broadly at me. I knew what he was doing. Without saying the words, he was letting me know that last night would stay between us, and we didn’t need to talk about it unless I wanted to. And right now… I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to push that conversation to the back of my mind and just enjoy today.

“Uh-huh. I think it’s the other way around. I think you want to be me.” I remarked.

“Why would I want to be you?” he asked.

“Cause I’m prettier.” Trevor looked me up and down before shrugging.

My mouth fell open at his words. “You did not just say that!”

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