Page 37 of Just a Distraction

“I feel like I do. Because we . . . kissed. And . . . I realize it’s silly. It might have meant more to me than it did to you. Maybe you do that on a regular basis?”

I shake my head and start to pace, which is ideal because then half the time, I can avoid looking at him as I sort all this out. “I’m not judging!” I continue, “I suppose that’s what guys likeyou do. So, I guess I don’t owe you an explanation?” The last word sounds like a question. I don’t mean to be so unsure about all this, and I’m usually very confident because I’m a Hawkins woman. Confidence—at least a version of it—is in our DNA.

But suddenly, I don’t know what our kiss meant to him . . . if anything at all.

I turn just in time to see him scowl, his tongue moistening his lips. “Wait. I don’t do that, just kiss someone on the day we meet. I told you that before.”

I stop pacing. “Except, we did.” I feel a coyness coming on, but I manage to step out of that role I’m somehow so drawn to whenever he’s around. “Maybe that’s something guys just say. Sorry.” I raise my chin in the air. “I’m a single mom, okay? Just so you know, I dated Blaine, got pregnant, asked him for a commitment and he refused, and so by the time our son was born, Blaine and I were completely done.” I probably sound defensive. I don’t care right now.

A little breath escapes him, and his mouth opens in a tenuous smile. “Wow. So thatwasyour son I saw? He’s so cute.”

Not what I was expecting him to say. I breathe in slowly, the scent of spring blossoms swirling in the breeze.

“I know, right?” I can’t help smiling. “He’s the greatest kid in the whole world. I love being a mom, but it hasn’t been easy. All the stuff I told you before, about wanting to become a nurse and then having a little hiccup in my plans? Well, Callum’s the best hiccup in my plans I never imagined I needed.” I rub my collarbone with my fingertips. “I love him so much it hurts!” It comes out in practically a shout.

His eyes widen. “I get it now. So, of course, having a baby means your plans change, at least a little.”

“Yeah.” I glance back at the glass door. “I need to get back to work. But look, I need you to know that I didn’t mention Callum to you to keep him a secret, but because I thought I’d never seeyou again. The subject of my son? It’s sacred. I have to protect him. I didn’t think it was important for you to know about him, simply because he’s that important to me.” I gently squeeze both sides of my head with my hands, willing my nerves to soften. “It’s hard for me to explain.”

“I understand your need for privacy and . . .” Milo shrugs. “It’s okay.” But there’s a look that crosses his face, just a blip, that makes me wonder if it really did bother him that I didn’t tell him.

Does it bother him that I have a kid?

“Because we’re friends now, sort of . . .” I say. “So I can talk about my son and all that . . .” I trail off. I wasn’t kidding about needing to get my work done and get home. I don’t expect Darla to have to take care of him for too much longer, even though, honestly, she’d probably love it. And Callum would, too.

“And is your son . . . Callum . . . is he still over there in Childcare?”

“No.” I clear my throat, gathering up courage. If I just say it, I won’t have to repeat it, right? “Darla, Blaine’s mom, took him to my apartment for a nap. I didn’t know she was coming.” I offer the best laugh I can muster. “Blaine gave up his parental rights a long time ago. But Darla and Callum love each other, and Darla helped with him a lot before I moved here.”

Milo just nods. I can see the questions forming in his head. “Thanks for talking this out,” he says, palming the back of his neck and lifting his gaze to meet mine.

I smile. “Thanks . . . for trying to understand where I’m at.”

His jaw stiffens. “A lot of stuff makes sense now.”

“You understand why I can’t date, right? With moving away for school and having Callum . . .” I sigh, holding my stiff lower back with both palms. I’m sore. This job is killer sometimes.

When he nods, I offer up a little more of the truth that’s so hard to explain. “I feel like I don’t exactly have the skills for a relationship. I’ve seen too much.” I try to laugh, to sound casualabout it, but then my throat tightens. “I just can’t put myself out there again.”

There is nothing more to say. This gorgeous, interesting, enjoyable man knows that the circumstances of my life have stolen away my ability to get involved romantically. He also knows the truth about my sweet little boy.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s better that way.

But how will that change things?

And is it bad that part of me is looking forward to finding out?

Chapter 15

Milo

I take the heavy stationery in my hand, rubbing it with my thumb and forefinger, trying to figure out what to say. I’ve abandoned my work in progress for Turnip,Zehma of the Night Loch.After painfully eking out five hundred words, I know when to call it a day.

And now, what was so fun before, writing to Rose, has become an impossible task.

I’m not gonna lie. I’m surprised she has a kid.

It’s a big deal.

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