Page 78 of Bitter Beats

He nods, cupping my cheek with his large palm. His thumb brushes a line down the center of my chin. “Good. That’s good, Mckenna.”

“Yeah.” I force a smile.

“I really am sorry about tonight,” he adds, his voice soft.

I hear the sincerity in his words, and a part of me, a much larger part than a few months ago, believes him. I want to give in.To confide that I don’t have Christmas plans with Mom. To admit that something transpired with Bran and it’s all starting to come back in waves. Choppy, uneven, relentless waves that have the potential to drown me.

But I don’t know how. I’m too scared.

“I know, Mav,” I murmur, accepting his apology.

How can I not when I know he means it?

How can I not when I’m starting to fall for him?

TWENTY-SIX

MAV

“Merry Christmas, Mckenna,”I say when she walks into the brownstone.

She shakes the snow off the hood of her coat and hangs it on a hook by the door. “It’s ChristmasEve, Mav.” Her voice holds a hint of irritation I don’t understand. After the way things went sideways in New York City, Mckenna’s erected a fucking impenetrable wall, higher than the Burj Khalifa, around her heart. And her mind. She’s lost in her thoughts, turning inwards in a way that worries me.

“I know.” I drop my elbows to the butcher block island. “What are your plans tonight? And tomorrow? Are you seeing your mom?”

“Yes, my mom invited me to dinner tonight.”

“That’s great!” I say it with too much enthusiasm, but the truth is, I think Mckenna needs a role model right now. An older, wiser, caring woman to help her work through the thoughts she’s got on a mental loop. While I’m sure there are women better suited to the task, I hope her mom can show up for her.

“I guess.” Mckenna sighs.

“Have fun,” I say, meaning it. Even though Mckenna doesn’t give much away where her parents are concerned, I know theirrelationship, or lack thereof, bothers her. Mr. and Mrs. Byrne are more concerned with their public image and how their divorce plays out in their social circle than they are about their only daughter’s feelings.

As much as I want Mckenna to reconnect with her parents for her peace of mind, a sliver of disappointment works through my chest. If she flew solo tonight, I’d convince her to come to dinner at my brother’s. I’d start to pull her out of her shell again. I’d remind her of how much fun we have together and prove that the way I acted in New York City isn’t the real me. At least, not when I’m with her.

Instead, I’ll be flying solo.

“Thanks. You too. Tell Jameson and Amelia Merry Christmas.” With that, she turns her back and climbs the stairs to her bedroom.

Sighing, I swipe a bottle of whiskey and slip on my coat and boots. Then, I head to my brother’s to celebrate my favorite holiday.

Except I don’t feel celebratory.

“Where’s Kenny?”Jameson asks when he answers the door.

“Dinner with her mom.” I pass him the whiskey. “Merry Christmas, brother.”

Jameson pulls me into a hug. “Merry Christmas. Too bad. I was looking forward to seeing her.”

“Yeah. I wish she had come.” I step into his home. “Merry Christmas, Amelia.”

Jameson’s longtime girlfriend has been a fixture in my life nearly as long as she’s been present in his, since high school.She gives me a little wave and kisses my cheeks hello. “Merry Christmas, Mav.”

As I enter their house, I greet Amelia’s parents and grandparents. Her brother is planted in front of the television, and her twin nieces run around the place.

“Hey!” I swipe up one of the twins. Aria or Avery? All these years and I still can’t tell them apart. I toss her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. “Were you good this year, or are you getting coal?”

“Coal!” her twin cries out, cheering.

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