Page 7 of Bitter Beats

Should I take out another loan?

No.

Should I drop out?

No!

Do I even want to be a lawyer?

Yes.

The thought pops into my mind unbidden and instant, giving me relief. Sanity. The rising flush of panic recedes slightly.

Yes, this is what I’m meant to do with my life. I’ve been interested in entertainment since I was a child—playing violin, performing on stage, taking voice lessons—and while I no longer harbor dreams of being an entertainer, I’d love to represent them. I’d love to be an entertainment lawyer.

“And you will,” I murmur the declaration as if saying it out loud will make it real. Tangible. Attainable. “You will,” I say, with more gumption this time.

“Ahh, there she is,” a male voice says, more taunting than surprised.

I drag my attention to the voice and swallow back my groan. Clasping my hands together in my lap, I straighten and try to shake off the icy tentacles that wrap around my limbs.

Branson Burton, a fellow 3L and cocky pain in the ass.

Branson Burton, a hazy echo of a drunken, messy night during my 1L year. His rough hands, harsh tone, stale breath—I blink, banishing the mental reminder of that night, of the pieces I remember, back into the box I locked them in.

“Bran,” I say as pleasantly as possible.

He leans against the small table, half sitting on it, as he crowds me. I recoil instantly, my fingers scraping together, and his lip curls. “All alone, as usual, Mckenna. Do you ever think about making friends?”

I scowl at his mocking tone.

“Or date.” He reaches forward and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I turn my face, smacking his fingers away. Bran grins. “We could’ve been good together. We?—”

“Stop it,” I whisper-hiss. I hate when he does this. I hate the film of shame and confusion that coats my skin, that tightens my stomach in Bran’s presence. At the sound of his voice.

“Do you really think you’re that much better than everyone here? Better thanme?” he sneers.

My breath freezes in my throat. Ten solid retorts file through my mind, but none come out. The words don’t form, and I sit in silence, my chest heaving, my self-loathing mounting.

What the hell happened that night?My mind flickers with shadowy images and broken sounds. Clarity shimmers around the edges, disappearing before I can latch on. I shudder.

Bran smirks. “Nah. You’re not worth a goddamn thing, Mckenna. That’s why you’re all alone. Even Emily and Robyn finally caught on.” He knocks against my table twice before walking away, whistling a tune under his breath even though several students he passes look up in annoyance at the interruption.

I slump over my laptop, the words of my emails blurring as my eyes fill with tears. Dammit.Don’t let him rattle you, Mckenna. You’re giving him exactly what he wants—a reaction.I angrily swipe the backs of my fingers across my eyes. It shouldn’t matter what Bran thinks.

I don’t even like him.

I just hate that on some level, he’s right. People do think I’m stuck-up. Standoffish. A no-fun prude who follows the rules and never lets loose.

Outside of Robyn and Emily, I don’t have any law school friends. While dealing with my parents’ divorce during my 1L year, I went out one night and got sloppy drunk. I only havesnippets from that night—pieces of Bran I can’t fully recall but I’m certain I’d rather forget.

After that, I started skipping law school socials. I withdrew into myself. Dyed my hair darker. Spent more hours studying. Eventually, I stopped being invited to socials and parties, and everyone drew conclusions about my absences:Mckenna Byrne thinks she’s too good for us.

It couldn’t be further from the truth, but I never actively refuted it. In fact, I doubled down, and insulated myself more with Robyn, Emily, and Allegra when she still lived in Boston. I spent weekday evenings Facetiming with Nova and Ivy. It’s better that way. Safer.

But still lonely.

I snort back a harsh laugh, drawing attention to my little table. If only anyone here knew how many student loans I’ve taken out over the past two years. Of how desperate I am for a job. Of how close I am to faltering.Failing.

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