Page 60 of Out to Find Freedom

“Actually, Mattie will stay in here. I’ll be with Emmie,” Julian told her. She looked to me, and already I was shaking my head.

“No. You stay with your man.”

“Dove—”

I rested my hands on his chest. “I know after what just happened, you would think I’d be in a state. You would think staying in someplace new would add to it also, but I’m not. I can’t say I won’t wake you having nightmares, but that’s normal for us.” I smiled, as did Julian. “I know I’m safe. I know I’m free, and I know I can trust these people around me. Let me show that, at least, by being able to stay in a room on my own in a place I don’t know.”

His hand covered mine. He leaned in and kissed my temple. “Okay, my brave dove.”

“Thank you,” I whispered. Mattie came forward, gave me a hug, and they both walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. I looked down the hall where we’d come from and my body tingled in apprehension. I forced it to stop. I faced Ivy and Killer.

“My room’s there?” I pointed to the one behind them, next to Julian and Mattie’s.

Ivy nodded. Slowly, she reached out and took my hand in hers. She guided me to the door and opened it. “It’s not the best place to stay. Not like the Sheraton or anything. But seriously, I can’t see bikers wanting to stay at a place like that; it’d be too toffy for them.” She laughed. “At least this place is clean, warm, and more welcoming than a hotel. All the doors have locks, and this room has its own en suite. I gave it to you and not the guys because us women need a bathroom close. Though, Julian probably looks at himself more than we would.” She waved her hands around. “I’m not being mean or anything. I’m just saying he’s good-looking. He makes sure of it with all his routines. You know what I mean, right?”

Her bumbling words reminded me of how comfortable I felt with Julian right away. Ivy was the same. The way she was could put a smile on anyone’s face. To put her at ease, I said, “I know what you mean. I’ve seen all his routines; it’s no wonder his skin is perfect.”

“Exactly.” She smiled and we both laughed. I tensed when she hugged me next. If she felt it, she didn’t react, but she pulled back and said, “I hope you get some much-needed rest.”

“Thank you.” I glanced at Killer. “Thanks again for—”

He grabbed the back of Ivy’s neck and gently ushered her into walking. “Don’t mention it.”

Smiling, I waved at Ivy before Killer shut the door. I went over to lock it and then spun back around, leaning against it. Even though my heart had crawled up into my throat at the thought of being alone in there, I still moved away from the door and got into the fresh-smelling bed.

I could do this.

It was the start of my new beginning, because I was finally and completely free.

Chapter Twenty

Emerson

Even though all of the people from my nightmares had been behind bars for six months and I knew I was safe, I still woke some nights screaming and sweating. It might’ve had something to do with living on my own now. The quietness to the house. There wasn’t a Julian coming in to wake me. No Mattie to brush my hair at night when we watchedSanta Clarita’s Diet.

At least they weren’t far. We could still do those things. I could still see them every day if I wanted to, since they were right next door. With Dad’s life insurance, I’d purchased Talon’s property that he never really used but kept because he didn’t want anyone in the house.

It was amazing to know I had them right next door, but it was the waking late at night that I didn’t like doing on my own. The music helped, a lot, and I knew one day the dreams would end. I just hoped it would be soon. However, it didn’t look like it.

I rolled over in bed. My room was lit by another night light. This one was a moving-in gift from Julian. It wasn’t one that plugged straight into the power point. It was on a cord that sat on my bedside table. It was of a moon sitting on clouds. While it seemed childish, I loved it.

I loved all of the things in my room and house. It was only a small, one-bedroom unit, but it was mine. I’d paid for it fair and square. And having a place I could call my own, that was safe, was worth the quietness.

Things were slowly coming together in my life. I had a job. In fact, it was my own business designing logos. I started doing courses online, everything I could learn to make sure I’d get my bachelor’s degree in graphic design. Photoshop was tricky to get around at the start, since I was used to drawing, but I was getting there. Somehow, while studying, I still managed to gain a few clients as I worked on my degree. Thankfully, those clients were happy with what I produced on paper and not computer and promised to spread the word about my work. I also mentioned to them that I would soon be up to date with some desktop design software, including that darn Photoshop. The best part about it all was how I got to work from home, doing whatever hours I wanted, at my little setup in the corner of my living room.

I’d gained weight, though I was sure most of it went to my butt and stomach, but I didn’t mind. I was happy with how I looked…. Sort of, at least. I never went out of the house, even on the hot days, without a long-sleeved top and something to cover my legs. I didn’t want people to see my scars. That was an insecurity I wouldn’t get over fast.

I’d been out of the house more than I wanted, mainly because of Julian or Ivy dragging me to places.

The first time I went in public, Julian took me to Donny’s grave. I sat there crying the whole time and apologising while Julian held me. Guilt was still raw over what happened to him. I didn’t think I would ever stop blaming myself; it was something I’d have to learn to live with. Eventually.

The second time we went out was for a celebratory dinner with Julian, Mattie, Ivy, Killer, Zara, Talon, Violet—who still scared me a little because she was a little on the feisty side—her husband, Travis, and Butch. No Ryan. He’d been busy apparently. They hired out a private room at a restaurant to celebrate the incarceration of the people who’d tried to destroy my life. Gloria, Lenny, Jarrod, and Phillip Burrows had been sentenced to forty years behind bars. They wouldn’t be up for parole for two decades, and by then, they’d either be dead or would be too old to even think of revenge. At least I hoped.

What was better had been the lead-up to the court case. I hadn’t had to face them. My drawings, book, and interview had been enough so I didn’t have to make an appearance in the court. Plus they had so much footage of the young women who they’d harmed as hard evidence. My name and face had been all over the TV. Reporters wanted to interview me, but to my surprise, and relief, Violet took care of everything—her number was listed as my contact. Talon had also suggested keeping my name off the house title for now, until things died down and my case was old news. I couldn’t agree more, so he’d be keeping his name on there until people forgot about me.

The day after our celebratory dinner, Julian took me to the hairdresser, where they trimmed and layered my long dark hair. When I’d seen the finished cut in the mirror, I’d gasped and slowly reached up to touch my soft locks. It made me feel beautiful, and for the rest of the day, I moved with a new spring in my step. Other times I ventured out, my new friends took me to the bookstore or to Ivy’s café, and a couple of times we went to the movies. Though the movies I didn’t like so much due to it always being busy. I hadn’t yet been to any shopping centres, fearing the large crowds. I wasn’t sure why crowds made me lose my breath, but they did.

Heck, I’d even been on a date. It was with a regular customer of Ivy’s. He was a tradesman, but she assured me he was sweet. He had been. We got along well enough, made small talk over dinner as we sat in a diner, one Ivy knew wasn’t busy.

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