Page 37 of Shadows of Ruin

I needed my friends more now than ever before. I needed my mother. Fae I could trust implicitly, who I knew could help me process this entire disaster.

I lay in silence for minutes, an hour, maybe longer. Time meant nothing to me. I rolled, staring, my gaze transfixed upon the wooden beams above me.

The eerie quiet did nothing to calm my mind or its racing thoughts.

I knew it was only a matter of time before Kade’s shadows appeared. I felt their presence before I put eyes on them. They had a mind of their own, and I liked them far better than I liked Kade himself right now. Their weight soothed a deep part of me, allowing me to breathe in my desperate search for respite. Even if I couldn’t stand to allow myself to be with Kade in this moment, I would greedily take the relief his shadows brought. Even if they’d murdered the people in the square.

What the hell was wrong with me?

They creeped from the door, slowly building, until they completely enveloped me.

I wanted to push them away, but I couldn’t. It felt right being in them. I lost the ability to care what that meant.

They were a comforting weight, a blanket, soothing my breaking heart. Easing the tension from my very soul.

I didn’t need to wait to know if he was near. I just spoke. “I planned to hurt you tonight. Hurt you so I could escape and return home. Flee so I could save Ian and the rest of my friends.”

He waited before he responded. “How many times do I have to tell you? You wouldn’t have been able to enter the void without me, let alone survive it.”

“Why? Because whoever your king is hasn’t deemed me worthy enough to enter that land? Hasn’t felt it necessary to bless those who wish to return to their home?” I sneered. Anger was a living, breathing being inside of me. My cheeks heated, burning with the feeling of it.

Kade stepped into my room, walking toward me cautiously. His shadows receded slightly so I could see his face. Concern was etched into his brow as he kneeled beside the bed.

“Blessing is the wrong word, even if I did say that before,” he murmured, “but no, you have not beenblessedto enter the void.”

My breathing turned more ragged, more panicked. How would I ever escape? How would I ever be able to fulfill this quest my father—no, my king provided for me?

“Illiana, breathe,” Kade whispered. “We cannot return yet. There is something I have to do. Someone I must see first. Someone you need to speak to as well. Cassandra—you heard Storm and I talk of her. She’s a seer like Vivienne.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “After we speak with her, I promise you I will return you to Brookmere. I will make sure you get wherever you wish to go, unharmed. I will fight for Ian, your mother, whoever needs it.” He brushed a hand over my hair once, then pulled away. “Whatever you ask of me, my heart and my sword are yours to command.”

Tears pricked my eyes once more, and I was thankful for the darkness surrounding us. Hiding at least the last bit of dignity I had left.

“Why?”

His fingertips brushed the tears from my cheeks, even as more fell. So much for hiding. I should have known. “Because watching you break at my hands is something I cannot endure again. Something I will not endure again.”

“Why not just let me go now?”

“The king knows I have returned, and he will stop at nothing if I ignore a direct order again. It is why we shifted our course today. Having you at the palace will already be dangerous enough, so I will not risk you getting caught in the crossfire of his rage and punishment at my disobedience.”

Kade reached out and let his hand wrap around my face, his thumb stroking softly over my skin.

“I don’t trust you.”

“Oh, Little Rebel,” he murmured. “I would hardly expect you to trust me after what I’ve done. Let alone right now.”

He stood up, reaching forward, but hesitated. His jaw ticked and his hand fell back to his side, clenching into a fist before he turned to walk away. His shadows lifted from mybody, trailing behind him, and the loss of their weight left me chilled.

“Trust or not though, I vowed to your father to keep you safe. No matter the cost. I swear to you, Illiana, I intend to keep that promise, until my dying breath. My life is yours. Whether you want my protection or not.”

Chapter 11

Ian

The clanging chains reverberated down the long hall toward my cell.

Clink.

Thud.

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