Page 38 of Secret Hudson

We leave the little café and head straight for the airport from here. While everyone else is enjoying the private jet to Australia, Ava booked the three of us some first-class tickets on a commercial airline. Any other time I would have been fine with that. Shit, if it wasn’t for the chaos that would ensue, I’d be perfectly content to fly coach. But today of all days, a little space from the outside world would have been welcome.

At Ava’s insistence, the three of us are seated in the first row where we have minimal through traffic and are less likely to be recognized. She’s also gone so far as to book the entire row, so at least there’s that dim light of hope to cling to.

“Can I sit with you?” She’s standing in the aisle staring down at the empty seat beside me.

“Yeah, of course.” I know I owe her an apology, I just don’t have a fucking clue where to begin. “Ava –“

She takes her seat and buckles her belt. “Don’t.”

I swallow hard, preparing to just jump straight into begging. Then, she takes my hand and squeezes. “We’re good. Really. Just tell me what we need to do to fix things with Hudson. Because I need you to be good, too.”

“That might not be as easy as you’d like it to be. I fucked up, Ava.”

She grins. “No shit. I’m pretty sure we’re all aware of that at this point.”

“Thing is, I don’t think I can fix this.” I rest my head on the small airplane pillow and stare out the window.

“Because you’re not willing to be honest?”

I shake my head. “No. I’ll be honest. But it won’t be enough for him. I know it won’t. Why do you think I lied in the first place?”

“You’re right. And it shouldn’t be enough. He’s not Garret or Daniel or any other cute face you’ve casually hooked up with in the last few years.”

I wince. Way to fucking kick a guy when he’s already on fire. “Thanks, for that. Really, only a true friend would bring up all of my other failed relationships at a moment like this.”

She cocks her brow at me skeptically. “Really? Relationships? Those guys were barely more than some strung together one-night stands. You never expected any of those hook ups to turn into more than they were, and you know it.”

I jerk my head into an upright position to face her. “What are you talking about? I was ready for more! They were the ones who were just passing through on their way to the real deal.”

She laughs. “Oh, please. Any one of them would have been happy to have you be their ‘real deal’ but you never wanted that. If you had, do you really think it would have come so easy to keep them all hidden?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Think about it, Royce. This mess with Hudson could have happened with any one of them, if you had cared enough to make it. But you didn’t. It wasn’t like they were any happier about being kept in the shadows, you just didn’t give a shit ifthey cared or not. It was your way or the highway, and if they hit the road you blamed them for not being serious enough to stick it out. Except we both know that’s total bullshit. Who would want to be someone’s secret? No one, that’s who. It feels icky and dirty and wrong. Like the person you’re in love with is in some way ashamed of being with you. And before you start, I know he’s not the one you’re ashamed of. It’s yourself. But it doesn’t matter if I know that when Hudson clearly doesn’t.”

How does she fucking do that? “What’s with this big picture shit? Insight is supposed to be my thing.”

“Yeah, well. Sometimes it’s hard to see the whole picture when you’re sitting smack dab in the middle of it. It’s all good though. I know what I’m doing. I’ve been listening to you explain all this shit to people for years. Some of those skills were bound to rub off sooner or later.” She smirks.

“Okay then. What superpower are you passing on to me in exchange?”

“I’ve got a few. Which one do you want?”

Just one. “Your courage.”

She curls her arm around mine and lays her head on my shoulder. “You got it. Although you and I both know you don’t need it. You’re plenty brave all on your own.”

I lean down and gently rest my cheek on her head. “Not like you.”

She laughs. “I’m pretty sure the incidents you’re thinking about involved stupidity, not bravery. You’re welcome to some of that too, of course, and truth be told, they usually work out to be worth about the same.”

I close my eyes and smile. Not because I’m happy exactly, but because at least I’m not alone in all of this. And afterexisting the first half of my life in total exile, being a part of something is worth more to me than just about anything. Except maybe Hudson. Damn. I actually wound up here. A place where my friends aren’t enough. A place where I need both. Them. And him.

When we finally land, I’m a wired mess. No sleep and countless cups of coffee on top of complete emotional disarray make for a really detrimental combination. To keep things interesting, Hudson is the first person I see upon opening the door to our newest hotel suite.

“Hi.” It isn’t the most creative opening I could have come up with.

“You guys finally made it.” Neither is his response.

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