Page 30 of Love Me

hannah

I can’t believeI kissed Liam. I’ve never thought about what type of kisser he would be, even if I’ve seen him kissing other girls before. He seemed decent enough, and the man is too good-looking for his own good. He’s bigger than all three of his brothers, which is saying something because they’re all massive genetic freaks. I don’t know what the Hayes were drinking when they procreated, but they made some gorgeous humans. Liam has broad shoulders that I’ve caught myself looking at more often than not over the last two weeks, hair that is such a light brown it could pass for dirty blond, dark chocolate eyes, a strong jaw, chiseled abs from working out at the gym every day, and thick, strong legs. He’s a goddamn beautiful man. I’m not blind for fuck’s sake.

But I wasn’t prepared for how good it would feel to have his lips on mine. The kiss was PG at best. Just a firm press of lips on lips. But dammit to mother above, every single cell in my body woke up from hibernation. Add to that the way he held me close, turning my blood to molten lava from his body heat alone. Just that small peck overwhelmed mysenses. The thought of kissing Liam for real? It would be devastating. All-consuming. The kind of kiss that you can’t come back from. Best friend or not.

I focus on eating my garlic pommes frites, savoring every single bite, and dip into the garlic aioli before picking up my falafel banh mi, trying not to think too much into the fact that he ordered my favorite two things off of the menu. But, that kiss. The way he felt against me consumes my thoughts.

I really am desperate for physical touch. But, even on the rare occasion Levi was in town and I gave him my body, it never filled my cup, never left me satisfied. In fact, I often felt worse than I did before. It’s completely different from this feeling ignited by Liam, and I’m struggling to understand it.

“You’re quiet, beauty. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours?”

Liam’s already done eating, having smashed his gourmet bacon cheeseburger and fries in just a few bites. I peek up from over my sandwich, purposefully having taken a huge bite so I’m not forced to talk. He’s looking at me intently, body illuminated only by the light from the large movie screen in front of us, the dim glow casting shadows across the strong features of his face. He looks almost ethereal—gorgeous, and untouchable. Fuck, what is happening to me right now?

“Spill it.”

I swallow my food down hard and set the sandwich back in the container that’s balancing precariously in my lap. Twisting my lips side to side, I quickly contemplate whether or not to be open. We’ve never kept secrets from each other before, so I’m not going to start now. That’s where relationships go to die, and I wouldn’t survive losing Liam.

“I think I’m touch starved.”

Liam’s face falls flat. Whelp. Not exactly what I had in mind with how to start, but my brain and mouth failed me.Could have started with, hey, this situation is super weird and messing with my hormones, making me feel all sorts of things that I didn’t think were possible. But, no, let’s just drop that bomb on the man who is literally doing everything in his power to keep you on a life raft right now.

“Han . . .”

“Nope. Don’t do that. Do not pity me. I am not?—”

“Made of glass. I know. I guess I just assumed you were, you know.”

“Sleeping with Levi?”

I don’t miss the tick in his jaw or how his hands fist in his lap.

“Yeah.”

“It’s been months. And even longer before that. The last time I was using it as a way to get closer to him, to try to convince him to stay, he, well you know, and as soon as he finished, he couldn’t get off me fast enough, got dressed and told me I was pathetic.” Rage simmers strong behind Liam’s eyes, and I watch as he works hard to tamp it down. I know how much he hates Levi, and I’m sure that sharing that little bit of info could have just signed Levi’s death warrant.

“I get affection from Charlie, but my parents are away, my sisters are never home, and I’m too busy for the friends I used to have. I don’t get physical touch. Certainly not romantic or passionate touch. I don’t even know if I ever have . . .” I return to look down at my food, not wanting to make eye contact, even though Liam is the furthest thing from judgmental. I let out a long deep exhale. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt really desired. And whatever this is between us right now”—I wave my hand haphazardly through the empty space separating us—“is really messing with my head and my hormones.”

I expect him to speak, to say something in an attempt to cheer me up, instead, my body melts as his large palm slidesacross my face, gently pulling my head in his direction. I let my eyes flutter open, finding his stormy gaze trained right on me. His expression is a mix of empathy, love, protection, and something that looks a hell of a lot like longing.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear it but I’m saying it anyway. I’m sorry. You deserve to be with someone who can’t stand to be away from you for even a minute, who makes sure you know you’re the first thing on his mind the moment he wakes up and the last thing before he goes to sleep. That’s after he’s made you feel it with his body. The right man will make sure you never doubt his love for you, beauty. You should never want for touch because you would feel it constantly.” His fingertips gently caress my scalp behind my ear, and I lean into the feeling of his touch, his words hitting their mark hard. It’s so challenging to believe his pretty words when the actions of that kind of man seem like a fairytale. “Things are going to change, just trust me, okay?” He drops his hand, and I miss the touch immediately.

“I trust you, bear. But I think I may need to find a one-night stand or something to take the edge off or I may end up ruining our relationship by jumping you.”

Liam’s head snaps in my direction so violently, I’m surprised he didn’t pull a muscle. His spine straightens, his hands curling into tight fists. Everything about him right now screamsseriously pissed off alpha, a complete contrast to the sweet, tender side I just had.

“The fuck you will, Hannah!”

His reaction surprises me. He’s never told me what I could or couldn’t do and has only ever encouraged me to do what I want.

“Excuse me? You did not just tell me that I can’t sleep with someone if I want to.”

“I sure as fuck did and I mean every word. Want me to say it again?”

“You can’t be freaking serious right now!”

“You’re my fiancée, Hannah.”

“Fake. Fake fiancée. And I just got done telling you how starved for affection I am. I thought you would understand.”

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