Page 165 of Steel

“You were mine. Made a life with Heather. Wasn’t all bad. We had a few good times mixed in. Until her true colors started comin’ out. Then there was you, lurkin’ in the background of my mind. You thought we were toxic, but lookin’ back, it wasn’t anything compared to me and her.”

“Why keep coming to me when you all split up knowing you’d never give me what I wanted?”

“Selfishness. Went to you because you were there, and you quieted the chaos my life with Heather had become.”

“Didn’t you think I deserved better?”

“Know you did.” I let her hair go and run my finger over her face, tracing her features. “Just an asshole, baby girl. Wasn’t goin’ to give you up until I had to.”

Bailee scoffs, and self-recrimination crosses her face. “And I made it all so easy for you. Even ending it.”

I rub my thumb over her bottom lip. “Don’t beat yourself up. Feelings fuck with the chemical balance in our brains. It’s why I never wanted anything to do with that shit. Mom and Dad have a great marriage, but this life—club life—I’ve seen it be the downfall of many great relationships.”

“Maybe you all should keep it in your pants,” Bailee snarls.

“Maybe, but it’s more than that. Club has secrets that stay in the club. Old Ladies, fender fluff, the club whores, they’re not told any of that shit. The club comes first most of the time. It puts a strain on relationships. Said it before . . . this life ain’t easy, especially on the brothers’ partners. As much as I gave a fuck about you, it was a relief when you didn’t open your door to me anymore.”

“So, why didn’t you come to me after you knew you and Heather were done for good?”

“Never goin’ to have an answer that’s goin’ to satisfy you, Hummingbird. We both know I’m an asshole. I kept tellin’ myself I didn’t need to because we were never real, that it was just casual. Things with you would never be easy, and after almost seven years of Heather’s toxic bullshit, I needed easy. The club whores were that. They chose to be at the club for one reason—take care of the brothers in return for room, board, and work. They didn’t make me feel shit. They didn’t make me crave more. Not like you do.”

“Oh, sure, Rachel seems easy,” Bailee snarks.

I grimace. “Never offered her more. Don’t know what got into her.”

Bailee aims a look at me that has me questioning my intelligence. She doesn’t need to say anything to that because her face is saying it all.

“Want to bring up something you asked me earlier ‘cause I didn’t get to explain why I answered the way I did.”

“Pretty self-explanatory,” she says.

“Would you let me finish?” I run my finger down her cheek. “Please?”

Bailee closes her eyes, trying to hide her hurt from me. I don’t like it, but I’ll give it to her this time.

“Said I didn’t know if I would come to you. It’s the truth. Done told you all I wanted after Heather was easy. Always found it hard to stay away from you when I was single. Didn’t expect this time to be any different. As much as I told myself it wasn’t what I wanted, we both know it was a lie. You’re under my skin. Always have been. So, no, don’t know if I’d have come for you, but the past has proven to us both that I probably would have. Feel like I keep sayin’ the same things with these conversations, but I need you to hear me, Hummingbird.”

Her glossy eyes soften a bit. “I understand, Jericho. I really do. And I know I’m being ridiculous and not making any sense to you. My heart hurts with the unknown, and I hate that. My hurt with all this isn’t going to go away overnight. You opened old wounds that I thought were long healed. That’s not necessarily your fault, but it still matters. I don’t want to go anywhere, but all this, as well as everything from the past, makes me wonder if it’s worth it anymore.”

I let out a heavy sigh, frustration eating away at me. Probably a bit of hurt too, if I look too closely. “It is, Bailee.Weare. I promise to prove it to you, but you got to remember, baby girl. I’m a fuckin’ biker. This shit is out of my norm. Ain’t ever done romance a day in my fuckin’ life. Goin’ to need grace on a lot of shit because we’re happenin’ and ain’t got the first damn clue how to do it.”

“I’ll give you grace, Steel, but there can’t be any more women. If we’re real, if we’re doing this, I won’t have you fucking around on me.”

“Only one woman my dick wants,” I tell her seriously, making her lips twitch.

“Then it needs to stay that way.”

Already know this conversation doesn’t mean everything is right with us, but at least shit has been aired out enough that we’re finally on the same page of where we’re at. Don’t much like when shit’s off with us. It sends me into a tailspin, and right now, need my focus so we can get this shit with the Night Skulls done with.

Chapter forty

Shit has been calmaround the club over the last few weeks. I don’t fucking trust it. Don’t fucking trust Killer. The silence from him doesn’t sit right, not with the way we know he operates, but unless we want to go to war with his club, we have to play it cautious. Got to wait until he gives us a reason. Can’t prove it’s him behind the shit at Sinful Saloon and the messages Bailee gets because that ain’t the way he usually works.

Tweek’s been working on tracking as much shit as he can on Killer and his guys. We’ve had some prospects doing recon, but it’s like Killer forgot about Bailee, which is fucking laughable. Not with her having the evidence she has on him.

Guaran-fucking-tee he’s got shit in the works, and we won’t learn what it is until something’s already happened.

The club is getting restless. We’ve barely had any family get-togethers with everything that’s been going on. Wraith and Nova had their little girl three months ago, and they’ve not brought her around the clubhouse much because they’re worried about things going down while she’s there. Much like with all the other kids. It’s why I’ve been keeping Lyric away as much as possible.

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