Page 164 of Steel

My mind is focused on one destination as I climb the stairs.

I pause outside the now closed door to the guest room, my hand freezing on the handle when the quiet cry breaches the wood of the door.

Closing my eyes, I drop my forehead against it. Her pain is palpable, digging into my soul and leaving scours on it. I want to pull her into my arms and soak up the torment pouring from her.

Twisting the knob, I quietly open the door and step through. Bailee is lying on top of the covers, her body curled around a pillow. Her shoulders shake, and it terrifies me because Emmy Lou suggested I tell her the truth. After witnessing the way she’s hurting already, I don’t know if it’s going to hurt her more or help her heal.

What I do know is I can’t stand here and continue hearing her pain without doing what I can to ease it.

I slide into bed behind her, maneuvering us around until we’re comfortable and she’s snuggled tight against me. Wrapping my arm around her, I brush a light kiss against the back of her neck.

We lie there for a bit while she purges the hurt from inside of her.

Her hurt devastates me, and I feel the same way I do when my daughter is crying and in pain.

Destroyed, with a vicious need to cause harm to whoever hurt her.

Except, how the fuck do I do that when the person who hurt her is me?

Lying here with my Hummingbird’s tears dripping down and soaking into the skin of my arm, I realize something crucial though not surprising.

I love this woman who is breaking so beautifully in my arms.

My love for her is soul deep. It seeps under my skin, burning through my veins until my soul is on fire with it. Love pumps through my heart, causing a few unsteady beats as it settles into a rhythm with her in it.

“Did you sleep with Rachel or any of the others after you rescued me?” she asks in a watery voice.

My pulse skyrockets as terror rushes through me. I tighten my hold on her, not wanting to answer but knowing I need to.

“Yeah,” I let out quietly against her neck.

Her body jolts as if that single word was a kill shot straight to her heart.

She tries to move, but when I refuse to let her, a cry breaks out.

“Before or after you’d been with me again?” she asks before hiccupping.

I close my eyes again and rest my forehead against the back of her head. “It was after we had the first conversation about the pictures. Not excusin’ what I did, but you didn’t trust me and that shit fucked me up. After everything I put on the line for you, you not trustin’ me was a kick to the teeth.”

“So, after. We hadn’t had sex yet, but pretty sure you’d eaten my pussy by then. Instead of stickin’ your dick in me and workin’ out your anger that way, you chose to run away and stick it somewhere else. Basically, the same sick cycle we were on in the past.”

“We weren’t together,” I remind her gently.

“And that just makes it all better, doesn’t it? You tell yourself we weren’t exclusive, we weren’t together, we weren’t this or that, and all is justified in your little world. Once again, you didn’t think about me or how it would affect me.” She sniffles. “You promise that I’m enough, but your actions always contradict your words, Steel.”

“When I met you the first time, didn’t think you were goin’ to end up so important to me,” I admit, causing her to quiet down and listen. “Always kept shit casual because my life is hard as hell on relationships. Was always easy to do until you.”

Bailee rolls over so she’s facing me, and I swallow tightly at how much more intimate the position is.

There’s something to be said about someone staring deep into your eyes as you cut yourself open and show them the ugly inside you.

“Did my best to keep us on a line I was comfortable with. Was harder than I expected. You’re an addiction that was quick to hit my veins, baby. Slipped up a lot, which gave you expectations.” I reach out and capture a lock of her short hair, twirling it around my finger. “Was ready to give in and claim you as mine when I found out Heather was pregnant with my kid.”

“You could’ve co-parented with her,” she says quietly as another tear slides down her cheek.

“Could have, but then I’d have to give in to my feelings for you. Already had this unborn kid to look out for in this life of mine. Didn’t think I had it in me to care about two people and take the chance of losin’ them. More than that, felt my kid deserved to have both parents. Parents make sacrifices for their kids.”

“And I was yours,” she states sadly.

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