Page 60 of Irons

“Wow.” Morgan said. “That means you were together for at least four years?”

I shrugged. “We didn’t start dating until our sophomore year. He was a good friend to me when I needed one, but we probably should never have dated. It was great, I don’t want to minimalize what we had that much, but it just didn’t feel right in the end.”

Morgan smiled. “I know what you mean. I only had two boyfriends before Creed and neither felt right, then I met Creed and I know it wasn’t just me, they really weren’t right. Nothing felt right about my life before Creed. Not even my career, but now it’s like I’m on the right track and nothing feels wrong at all.” She leaned over and kissed Creed on the cheek.

“That’s true, nothing felt right about my life until Morgan.” He kissed her cheek and looked at all of us. “You’ll know when you’ve found the right person. Seriously, I wasn’t even looking then one day I saw this girl and knew I was done. I thought I was crazy at first, but that magnetic pull is just too much to fight.”

Morgan looked at me. “That’s still a long relationship for someone so young. It couldn’t have been easy to leave. Do youstill see this man back home? Travis told us it was a smaller town, almost like Clarity.”

I glanced at Travis and his jaw was flexing, then I looked at Morgan. “I try to avoid it, but yeah, I just saw him twice before I came here. You’re right, it’s not easy and there are some seriously hurt feelings, along with other factors. I was the asshole in the end, I hurt him and that’s what I regret most, but he’s happily married and I’m happy to be at Creed’s Lake.”

“You’d be a tough girl to get over.” Drakos winked at me, and I think everyone at the table rolled their eyes.

“Enough about me. What are everyone’s plans this weekend?” I changed the subject.

As they talked, I glanced at Travis, and he was still looking down at his salad. Then he looked at me. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” He stood and walked toward the bathrooms.

Magnus looked at me and mouthed, “What’s wrong with him?”

I shook my head, not really knowing why that upset Travis. He gave me his blessing to date Matt the night of the dance, and also presumed we had a relationship.

When Travis came back, we were finished with dinner and needed to get home. He quickly ate his meal, then offered to walk me out to my side by side. It was going to be an early morning, and after the operatives shipped out, we would spend some time in the command center. After that, we were due back in the command center at 1700 hours to prepare for the mission.

“I’m sorry if that upset you earlier. I thought you already knew I had a relationship with Matt.” We were standing beside my side by side. He had his hands in his jean pockets, looking down at the asphalt of the parking lot.

He shook his head. “No, no....I mean it was…I presumed. I um…” He pulled his hand from his pocket and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know. Can we talk about this some other time? I just…well I have questions, and I don’t think you’re ready to talk about certain things. Like umm…the other thing in your life that made you feel like you had to follow that path with him. You said things about hurt feelings.” He shook his head before he looked at me again. “What would have happened if I wouldn’t have stood you up for that dance? What were we…I mean what…would we have been more if I wasn’t so screwed up?” He was so nervous and that in itself broke my heart.

“Are you asking if it were up to me when we were kids?” I asked.

“Yeah, like if I weren’t so screwed up?”

I looked down at my feet then shook my head before I looked up and our eyes met. “Despite how screwed up you thought you were, I didn’t see you that way. I mean, I didn’t see you as screwed up. I saw you as the best thing that ever happened to me. The person that was there when I needed you, and I thought you just needed to realize that I could give you what your parents didn’t give you. That you would be okay of you would have just accepted my love as all you needed. So yes, if you would have let me in, we would have been more.” I was a little nervous too.

He looked down and rolled a pebble under his boot. “I was screwed up, Wrenly. So screwed up that I put walls up to protect myself. I pushed away anyone that loved me because I knew I wasn’t good for anyone. If I could go back and talk to that screwed up kid, I would tell him he already had everything he needed. That everything was going to be okay, but I think there were things that needed to happen. I know it sounds crazy, but that detention center saved me. I learned that I really didn’t haveit as bad as a lot of kids. I had to learn to fight for the things I needed. I also needed time to learn more about myself. I was smarter than I thought, and doing that time helped me focus on learning. My parents kept me out of school too much. While in there I got to go to class every day and focus on my education. I got to play on a basketball team, and played on a real team in public school my senior year while I was in that group home. I wish I could have been different for you, but…” He trailed off like he was afraid to say it.

“You don’t think you could have succeeded while still in your parents’ custody?”

He nodded. “Yep, and all I would have had going for me was you. I still would have been pulled away from my education to travel with my parents. They weren’t the people I needed. Maybe you wouldn’t have followed me down that road I was on, but you still would have gotten hurt by me. But, I regret that dance. I always will.”

I leaned against the side by side and crossed my arms. “Maybe you’re right.”

He walked over and leaned against it with me, and also crossed his arms. “I know something happened to you. You’ve given me reason to believe that to be true. Can I ask you one thing?”

I reluctantly gave him a nod.

“Was whatever it was my fault? Is it something that wouldn’t have happened if I would have returned home?”

He was looking at me and I didn’t know how to answer at first, but then looked over at him. “Nothing that happened in my life was your fault.” I looked back up at the building as people walked out then looked back at him. “I will tell you eventually. It’s not that I’m scared to open up, it’s just something that’s noteasy to talk about, especially tonight. Not here around all these people.”

He scooted over and put his arm around me from the side, then kissed my temple. He whispered as he spoke. “You wore a red dress with red shoes. Your hair was braided and fell to one side. I swear to God, when you walked into that gym my heart stopped. I have always regretted that night. The thought that I ever hurt you, still to this day, makes my chest ache. I dream about that night and that dress. I was the kid dancing with you, not him. I don’t regret leaving, I only regret standing you up and not coming home to visit.” He kissed my temple again. “We better go, morning is going to come early.”

Trade It All

Travis

I love Creed’s Lake. I love the people, they’re my family. I love the community, our homes, my career, dreaming about its future and all the possibilities. Yet, I’d trade it all for Wrenly. I know every decision I made in my life led me here, but if I could go back and be a better kid so Wrenly could avoid her pain, I would do it in a heartbeat.

If Tony wouldn’t have died, he eventually would have gotten through to me. The night before he died, he made that promise to me. He said it wasn’t going to be easy, we had a long road ahead of us, but he was tired of playing my parents games. He wanted me as his own kid, he loved me, and he was finally going to make things happen. I was going to have a permanent home, be able to play sports, and have some stability in my life.

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