Page 107 of Irons

Her eyes met mine. “Can I go back?”

“Uh, what?”

She sobbed. “I want you to be a baby again, to have Robert hold me at night and keep me safe. To go back to the day, you were born and placed into my arms.” She looked down at them. “They’re empty.”

“Yeah, umm…is there someone I can call for you or something?” I mean come on! She acted like my abandonment and neglect was news to her or something.

Wrenly looked up at me. “She’s unblocking the pain, Travis. She’s allowing her emotions tied to you come to the surface and memories she blocked are returning. What she convinced herself to believe about your life is stepping aside and allowing real memories to surface. She’s walked around this world in a state of shock since Bobby disappeared. Kind of like when the brain blocks memories of a traumatic experience.”

Why did I have to see all that happen? “So, like am I stuck here, or can I go get a beer and maybe call Magnus? I'd like to get updates on the giant munchkin and the tiny witch situation. I’m out of the loop and it’s strangely fascinating.”

My mom caught our attention and we both glanced at her.

“Robert and Bobby are dead.”

I looked back at Wrenly. “I can grab a beer and let Heather know Paula's having some sort of weird reverse dementia shit going on and she can get her out the door.”

“Travis! That is your mother!” She scolded me.

“Correction, she’s Bobby and Evie’s mother. Evie can fix her.”

“Evie is thirteen years old, you cannot dump her on that child this way.” Wrenly seemed a bit disappointed in me.

“How did this become my problem? I didn’t invite her over!”

“She is your problem because she is your mother. Like it or not, she birthed you!” She scolded me again.

I gave her a wink. “And look who benefitted from it.” I leaned in and whispered in her ear. “You can thank Paula for the multiple orgasms if that’s the case.”

I pulled my head back and she was smiling. “Yeah, this is tru…” Her eyes suddenly narrowed on me. “Wait…no.” She shook her head. “That is not even the topic or concern right now! What is wrong with you?” She looked at my mom who was still in some sort of deep thought as she stared at the wall behind us. Her eyes shot back to me. “Ignoring her pain does nothing to help you. You’re doing the same damn thing she did by shutting down and blocking your emotions toward her. You are the one that has to fix this, not me, not Heather, and certainly not a thirteen year old girl. You stay, I’m going to get a beer and offer to order pizza for dinner.” She stood and left me with Paula.

I crossed my arms over my chest then ran my hand down my face. I didn’t know how to handle that shit. What the fuck was up with the entire day? I was a grown man, not a child she had to cry over. I wasn’t sure why it mattered now or why all thefeelingswere even necessary. What the hell was I supposed to say to her?

“So yeah, I guess Wrenly is going to order some pizza.” I looked around the room. “Sometimes she gets banana peppers, but she doesn’t like Italian sausage. Pepperoni is good I guess.” I scratched my jaw. “I picked up some beer on my way back. I think Clint has some cold Guinness, if you want one.” Oh, what the hell was I doing stuck in a room with my crazy mom?

“I need you to love me.” She spoke out of the blue.

My eyes narrowed on her. “Yeah, well I needed you to love me back when I couldn’t even make my own bottles or change my own fucking diaper. So yeah, there’s that I guess.”

I looked around the room and my eyes focused on Wrenly’s senior picture. A smile rose on my face as I stared at it. So much happened when I wasn’t around. She learned to drive, had her first kiss, went to prom, lost her virginity, and graduated high school. Damn, I should have been around for all that, but of course…shame.

“I need you to love me.” She repeated through her tears.

I let out a frustrated breath. “Hey, I’ve got one. Did you know I fucked for the first time when I was fourteen? Oh, and I smoked pot, drank, stood Wrenly up and broke her heart. I wonder how different my life would have been if you loved me way back then.”

A disgusted look only crossed her face for just a moment. “We’ve both acknowledged you deserved better.”

“There was this one time, in Yemen, yep I got shot. Then there was this other time in Afghanistan, not the second or third time. Maybe it was the fourth, yeah it was the fourth when I had a woman in my scope, and she had explosives on her. I had to shoot her before her young son ran up to her or she reached a few of my men. Killing someone’s mom didn’t bother me asmuch as I thought. Maybe because I never knew a mother’s love. To me she was just a threat to my team that needed eliminated.”

“That’s horrible.” She cried.

“I watched too many young men die as they cried for their mothers. When I was shot in the back while on a mission in Syria, I didn’t cry for you. I cried for Wrenly. I kept a letter I wrote for her on me at all times. I didn’t want to leave this world without telling her I loved her as much as she loved me. She wasn’t crazy like I always told her, I lied, I loved her deeper than my young mind could understand. How does it feel to know your son didn’t have a mother to cry for when he thought he was dying and the letter I kept on me wasn’t for you?”

“Worse than you could imagine.” She hiccupped.

I lifted my chin. “I can guarantee you being the son felt way worse.”

“I need you to love me.” She repeated herself again.

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