Page 108 of Irons

“What the fuck do you want me to say? You want me to lie?” I snapped at her then stood. “You don’t have any fucking right to ask that of me!”

“I want your anger, your hatred, and your resentment. Don’t do what I did, Travis. Don’t turn it off because you’ll end up sitting in this fucking chair like me and experiencing the worst kind of torture!”

I winced. Did she really say fucking? It didn’t matter. She didn’t matter. “I’m sorry you wasted a trip. Why don’t you go home to your daughter?”

“Because my son needs me!” She stood. “My little boy needs me!” She stepped closer but I took a step back with my hands up.

“I’ve lived just fine without you.”

“I focused on Bobby because I thought he was in danger. Hell, he was in danger because he’s dead.” She pointed at herself. “I can finally feel it! I let no other emotion but fear in for so long. I pushed you away because I couldn’t stand the strong emotions that came with you! I had to numb myself from the pain and focus on finding him! I got nothing! Not even his little body!” She sobbed.

She had no idea how much those words hurt me. She pushed me away, not just left me, but pushed me away.

“It’s because you blame me! That’s why you pushed me away!” I screamed at her.

“What?” Her eyes followed me as I paced.

“If I wouldn’t have cried that day…” I stopped and looked at her. “It wasn’t just him, they wanted me worse!”

She shook her head. “What are you talking about? None of it was your fault. Sure, I was holding you, but I turned my back for just a moment but that wasn’t because of you. It was never your fault and that thought never once crossed my mind. I’m the one who turned to look at the cereal, I would have done that even if I wasn’t holding you.” She sobbed. “Is that really what I made you think?”

“Of course it’s what you made me think. I heard it over and over again. I have no memories of you not saying it. I cried and distracted you. You were saying it in front of me before I even learned how to talk!” I was so angry I was shaking.

“I am so sorry.” She stepped toward me, but I stepped back, so she stopped. “That is not what I ever wanted you to think.”

“I hated myself for so damn long.” I shook my head. “Imagine hating yourself the moment you were able to form memories.”

Both of her hands cupped in front of her nose and mouth. “I am so sorry.”

“I don’t need your fucking apologies! Did you know I thought I killed Tony too? The police told you and dad what happened, but everyone forgot to tell me!” I raised my voice again.

She pulled a tissue from the box on the end table and blew her nose. “I will not be your father and wallow in my self-pity. That does not do any of my children any good. I’m sorry it has taken me thirty years to get to this point. I know I’ll never see Bobby again.”

“He’s fucking dead on the bottom of the fucking ocean!” I snapped. Fuck!!!!

Her head flew up and her eyes landed directly on mine. “What did you just say?”

I threw my fists up. “Fuck!” I screamed.

“Travis, do you know what happened to Bobby?”

Jesus Christ, I’m going to prison now. All because of my fucking bitch of a mom. “Drop it.” I warned her in a growl.

She backed away from me and looked frightened. “Delta force.” She began looking off into space and thinking out loud. “Special ops.” She paced. “Alistair Creed, Senator Shaw, secret community, motorcycle gangs.” She paused as she put pieces together I didn’t know she had. “Special ops, secret community, missing people, government contracts, it’s all coming together.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped at her, and she looked at me.

“You found Bobby.”

Shock

Wrenly

I was on the floor just outside the family room, sitting with my back against the wall. I sent Heather and Jacob out, and thankfully, my dad agreed it would be best if they had dinner out. They left with plans to meet my dad at the diner.

I was crying, like ugly crying. My face was buried in my hands that had tissues as I listened to the man I love finally hit his breaking point. Paula was forcing him to tap into emotions he didn’t realize he still had buried deep inside him.

I never heard his voice so angry. The bellows of his deep and raspy voice nearly shook the house as he screamed at her.

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