Page 112 of Never Enough

When they were done, she stood staring down at the tabletop.

His voice came from behind her again, and his hands settled on her shoulders. “Better?”

She did feel like she could get air in better. Felt calmer. Her hand smoothed over the tape lines closest to her. “Yes. Thank you,” she whispered.

He nodded and made his way outside onto the pool deck. She stared after him, watching as he stood at the water’s edge, hands in his pockets, peering down at it. Without her thinking about it, she followed him, pulling the sliding door closed behind her.

Standing next to him, she tried to find the words she wanted to say. “I really do trust you, Demon. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”

He said nothing.

“Who am I to judge what’s acceptable, or not, about your… coping mechanism.” She cringed at the phrase. By trying to soften the crime, she’d said something equally as judgmental as the first statement. “That came out worse, I think. Look. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all do things that technically aren’t good for us. Midas spends all of his time with Nova, an AI personality. He refuses to sleep, and all he seems to eat, unless we all eat together, is candy and chips. TB closes himself off to everyone except maybe Flame. Even Nemo has his own disaster with his… dating habits. I don’t know what else to call them. Hell, I allow mydeadfather free rent space in my head that no matter how good I am as a thief, I’m useless as a daughter.”

“You’re not wrong about me, Gem. I am a liability to them, but for some reason, I can’t force myself to leave them. It has nothing to do with my ‘disappearing’ if I do, either. Some days, I think it might be better if I did.”

“You’re not a liability, Demon. The guys don’t see you like that.”

“They should. I’ve no excuse for it. Not that there ever really is an excuse.”

Haskell knew he expected her to ask why he used, but she wasn’t going to. It wasn’t her business. She only knew of one person other than Demon who should hear that story.

“Do you know how I know that they see you as an asset? Whatever your motivation for using, it was there before you came to Tribe. That means everyone who mattered knew already, but you’re here anyway. If there’s one thing I know about your boss, God, is that he never would have approvedhiring you if he didn’t think you were the best person to do what you do. Waters never would have recommended you to him. The guys wouldn’t joke around with you, and I know for a fact that Nemo believes in you one hundred percent. He even told me that he’d rather have you being as you are than working with anyone else.” She put a hand on his arm, staring intently at his profile. “Cherry wouldn’t be so pissed if she didn’t care.”

“Don’t try to justify it, Gem. You can’t. It’s weak. It’s dangerous. Just because I’m a functional addict doesn’t mean I won’t screw up.”

“No. No, it doesn’t. Any of us could screw up for any number of reasons, and we don’t use narcotics on a regular basis.” She threaded her arm through his and placed her head along his bicep, mirroring his stare at the water as if it had all the answers. “But look at how you choose to handle yourself. When you know you’re headed out, you’re able to cut yourself off. Youcando it; you’re just not ready yet. When you’re ready, you’ll stop.”

Through clenched teeth, he swallowed tightly. “What if I’m never ready?” The question came out as a whisper, the fear in the question ringing loud.

Haskell squeezed his arm. “I have a sneaking suspicion you’re closer than you think.”

She felt him shift, so she looked up to find him looking at her quizzically.

“I think you’ve been ready for a while. There’s something you want, and it’s so close. The only way to get it is to quit. Unfortunately, you feel unworthy, so you maintain the status quo. You’ve set yourself up to fail on purpose, but all you’re really doing is breaking both your hearts.” She patted his arm and laid her head back on it. “Just think about it.”

They stood in silence together, contemplating the ripples in the pool from the light breeze. Eventually, he said, “You shouldknow… I promise you—nothing and no one is going to get to you unless it comes through me.”

“I’m not worried about me,” she told him.

“I know. But you need to know that just the same. And we are not allowing them to get their hands on Zahra. She’s safe and in good hands. More importantly, Gem, as long as even one of us is still breathing, we are not leaving him in that mine. I refuse to make promises I may not be able to keep, but I’ll do everything until I’m physically no longer breathing to get him back.”

She nodded. “I know. He’s tribe.”

He dislodged from her hold and turned to her. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

“I do. Really. Loyalty is everything to you guys.”

Demon sighed. He turned his head toward the dining room table, where TB was smiling tightly and talking with someone quietly. “TB! You done flirting with Flame yet?”

TB rolled his eyes. He got up from the table, laptop in hand, and carried it outside to the pool loungers. He handed a pair of earbuds to Haskell. “Encryption is running. Just don’t touch any of the keys. She knows that she should close out first, which activates the kill switch on her end.” He pulled her to one of the loungers and sat her at the computer. His focus went to the computer screen. “Thanks, princess.” He smiled at the redhead on the screen.

She shooed him away with her hands flapping in the camera. “You’re welcome, love you, go away while I talk to my new muse. Go play doctor with your medic.”

Haskell smiled at the quiet “Eww” she heard from Demon as he went back inside.

TB chuckled. “Add five more swats to the list for brushing me off, little Flame. You’re not going to sit for a week.”

“Pfft! Like that scares me, Godzilla. Go destroy a city or something. Shoo!”

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