Page 56 of Finding London

What’s the point of living if I’m constantly hiding from possible pain?

But I realize that my feelings of apprehension are more for London than they are for me. I can’t guarantee her forever. With my issues, chances are, at some point, I will hurt her. I know that there is a risk of getting hurt in any relationship. It just seems that London will have a higher one with me. I feel selfish for wanting to ignore that gamble to be with her anyway.

There’s a small knock on the door.

“Come in,” I call out.

“Hey,” Cooper says by way of a greeting. He leans against the doorframe, taking me in. “So, this London chick has really done a number on you, hasn’t she?” He smiles, looking pleased. “I have to say, I wasn’t sure I would see the day.”

“You and me both.”

“So, what’s the issue, man?”

“I’m the issue, Coops. You know that.”

“Who cares? So, you have a messed up past. You have a few issues. Who doesn’t? No one is perfect. You’re kidding yourself if you think anyone is. You have every right to be just as happy as the rest of us, Berkeley.”

I throw my legs over the side of the bed and sit up. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I don’t guess. I know, brother. You’ve been dealt some major shit in this life. You, above all, deserve to be happy.”

“I can’t change who I am, and if I could, it definitely wouldn’t be overnight. I don’t want to end up hurting her,” I admit.

“Nothing about a relationship is guaranteed. You know that. Heck, Maggie could leave me tomorrow, for all I know.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, right.”

He shoots me a wicked grin because, let’s be honest, he and Maggie are perfect for each other.

“Okay, bad example. The point is, everyone who falls in love and goes into a relationship plans for it to last forever, but shit happens. Half of marriages end in divorce. You know none of those people were thinking about their future divorce on their wedding day.”

“I’m talking about dating. I have no idea why you’re bringing marriage into this. And how does anything you just said help at all?”

“Shit, man. I’m not Oprah. You get the point. No one knows the future. You like her. She likes you. Go for it. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, and life goes on. Even if you were the stablest person alive and wanted to date her, you couldn’t promise her forever. Getting to know someone is always a gamble. Sometimes, it works, and sometimes, it doesn’t, but you won’t know if you don’t try. And it’s about time to start trying, dude.”

I sigh. “Maybe you’re right. That was pretty Oprah-worthy though.”

Cooper nods. “Yeah, that advice was definitely on point. I’m just that good. Who’s the love expert now?” He smirks, lifting his shoulders.

“Whatever.” I laugh. “Hey, guess who I’ve been dreaming about a lot lately?”

“Who?”

“Sarah.”

Cooper and Maggie are the only people who know about Sarah.

“No shit?”

“I know. I try not to think about her, for the most part. Then, just this week, I’ve been, like, dreaming of her every night. It’s fucked up.”

The memory of Sarah invades my mind at some point every day. As much as I try not to think about her, it’s impossible. I’m ashamed to admit that I intentionally push her to the side even though her memory doesn’t deserve it, but it’s still so painful to remember.

Cooper shrugs. “It makes sense. I mean, she was the last person you loved—well, besides me.” He waggles his eyebrows.

I simply roll my eyes.

He continues, “So then, this London chick comes around, and you like her, which opens up all the touchy-feely emotional shit in your brain. So, of course, it’s going to make memories of Sarah surface.”

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