Page 57 of Finding London

“I suppose that makes sense. You don’t think it’s my mind warning me that this whole thing with London isn’t a good thing? That something horrible will happen?”

“Come on, Berkeley,” Cooper huffs. “Do you regret the time you had with Sarah?”

“Of course not.”

“So, I think it means the opposite. If anything, it’s telling you that love is worth it even if you lose it. I know you think you’re cursed or some shit, but that’s ridiculous. People die every day. It’s just shitty luck that many of the people you’ve loved died. But don’t think for a second that London’s just going to kick the bucket because you date her. That’s not the way life works. Plus, would you rather have never known your parents or Sarah? If you’d had a choice at the beginning to know them even though they were going to leave you or to never have known them at all, what would you have chosen?”

“Of course I’d have wanted to know them.”

“Exactly my point!Dude, come on!” Cooper runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.

I can’t help but laugh. “Okay”—I chuckle—“I get your point.”

He’s right. I’m being a total idiot.

“Thank you!” He groans. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Thank God.” He shakes his head with a grin. “Now, before I had to go all Oprah on your ass, I originally came in here to see if you wanted us to order you some Chinese. Maggie and I are going to stuff our faces and have a Mission: Impossible marathon.”

“Nah, thanks though. I’m going to go get London back.”

“Aw, that’s my boy.” He smirks.

“Shut up already.”

“All right, all right.” He raises his hands in mock surrender. “But, seriously, good luck, man.”

“Thanks, Coops.” I pin him with a stare. I don’t say the words on the tip of my tongue because, let’s face it, this brief conversation has been enough sentimental shit for one day.

But that’s the thing with Cooper. I don’t have to say the words for him to understand. He’s always had this crazy ability to get me, oftentimes better than I get myself. He knows how much he means to me.

“Anytime, brother.” He nods before stepping back and closing my bedroom door behind him.

I get what Cooper said. It all makes sense, and I know he’s right. Deep down, I know that I didn’t have anything to do with my parents’ or Sarah’s deaths. I understand, too, that all relationships are a gamble. But there’s still that part, far within, that whispers that I’m being selfish. I have a real fear that, by dating London when I’m not a whole person, I will hurt her.

She’s this bright light, the first one since Sarah, that’s been able to penetrate my darkness. But, unlike Sarah—whom I loved like family—the feelings I have stirring within me for London are so much more. They are raw and hot, urgent and needy. They consume me with immense want. This week and every other day since she first washed my truck, I’ve tried everything not to think about her, but I’ve found it impossible.

London, for me, is unforgettable. Her light is so vivid that it refuses to be dimmed. I’m just terrified that somehow, though I won’t mean to, not only will I dim her brightness, but I’ll also extinguish it altogether.

So, yeah, maybe picking London is the selfish thing to do, but I’m going to take that chance anyway. Apparently, I’m a selfish prick.

London

“I’m fully aware that you have the potential to obliterate my heart into a million pieces, and I’m okay with that.”

—London Wright

Exactly a week ago, I had an amazing date with Loïc, at which he all but confessed his love—if not love, then deeplike—for me. We proceeded to watch a magnificent sunset and had an incredibly steamy kiss. Of course, that was followed by his internal freak-out and subsequent cutting off of the date and dropping me off at home early where I was left hurt, confused, and sad.

Ah, just a typical night out for me. No, not really.

If I’ve had an amazing time with a guy I like, it’s always ended way better than that.

What is my fascination with Loïc?I truly, for the life of me, cannot begin to understand it. Pre-Loïc London would never have put up with this teeter-totter of craziness.

But therein lies the problem. Loïc isn’t like any guy I’ve ever dated. He’s different. Despite his plethora of issues, I’m drawn to him, almost instinctually. My attraction to him and desire to be with him aren’t things I can control. I simply know we’re meant to be. We have to be. It’s the only logical conclusion to my obsession.

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