Page 76 of Slash & Burn

“I have my own bed,” I muttered, not really sure why I was arguing. This was as close to heaven as I could imagine.

“Not right now you don’t,” he grumbled, his lips in my hair. “Stay right here.”

Pressed against Grady’s warm skin, spent and satisfied, listening to the even pace of his breathing, it was only a matter of minutes before I was fast asleep.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun had set and the rain had stopped. The lights from the parking lot were on, casting a golden yellow light through the gauzy curtains. When I shifted, I found I was pleasantly sore; proof that it hadn’t all been in my head. A dream better than any I could have ever imagined. Especially because it was real. But then I heard Grady. It sounded like a cry at first, but when I turned over, he looked asleep.

He did it again and I realized he was dreaming. Worried it was a nightmare I gently reached for his shoulder to nudge him awake. But the second I touched his skin, he jumped, shoving me away so hard I tumbled off the bed.

“No!” he yelled, ripping at the sheets as he bolted upright. His eyes whipped around the room, finding me on the floor, and his expression crumbled. “No.” He slumped off the bed, crawling backward away from me as his eyes filled with sorrow. “Jill. Did I hurt you?”

His back was against the wall, his brow creased, regret in his eyes.

“No,” I said in a rush, grabbing his T-shirt from the ground and throwing it on as I went to him. “I’m fine.”

“Not you,” he muttered, his head falling into his hands as he struggled to breathe. “I can’t hurt you.”

“Grady,” I whispered, kneeling beside him, careful not to touch him again. “You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine. Look.” He didn’t pick his head up, so I risked reaching for him, my fingers combing softly through his hair. “Look at me, baby,” I begged, the words scraping out as my heart broke.

When he lifted his head, he froze as he took me in. He scanned my face, then looked down my whole body, hunting for proof.

“You’d never hurt me.”

“Yes,” he said, closing his eyes. “I would. I have.” The tension dropped out of him, his head falling back against the wall as he stared hopelessly up at the ceiling. “I did. Not you. But I hurt him, Jill.”

Who? “What are you talking about?” I asked, settling onto the floor a little closer to him.

“He was pulling me under and I . . .” He stalled out, the words trapped in his throat as he tried to swallow. “I . . .”

Finally, he looked back at me, and my stomach twisted. I’d never seen Grady like this before.

“I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to.”

“Grady, it’s okay. You saved him.”

“But I almost didn’t.” The sentence fell out of him, landing like a bomb between us. I could see it in Grady’s eyes, his shame was eating away at him.

“But you did,” I reminded him, refusing to let him think he was anything less than a hero. “Tell me what happened.”

He swallowed hard, shaking his head. “I can’t. I don’t know if I can.”

I wasn’t sure if the chills I saw race over his skin were from his panic or not. “Come back to bed,” I tried, but he shook his head.

“No, I should never have risked that.”

I couldn’t stand to see him like this, so I crawled over to him, climbing into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. At first I was worried he was going to push me away, but he didn’t. He closed his arms around me and squeezed so tight I thought I was going to break.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed into my neck, his face buried so tightly against me I almost didn’t hear him.

“You didn’t hurt me, I promise.”

“But I scared you.”

I nuzzled into him, stroking his hair, his back, touching him everywhere I could to soothe him. “The only thing that scares me is whatever this is. Because it’s eating away at you. I wish you would just tell me.”

He pulled back with desperate eyes. “You don’t want to know that part of me.”

“Grady.” I cupped his cheeks, resting my forehead against his. “I want to know all of you.”

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