Page 47 of Slash & Burn

“And keep your hands to yourself from now on, hot shot. She’s not any less off limits than she was three weeks ago.”

My eyes went wide as the deputy held my gaze. He tilted his head and it clicked that this was a warning from Joey.

“He said to watch yourself. Cause he’s still watching you.”

My hand was frozen in midair and the paper bent limply as I swallowed through a bone-dry throat.Jesus. Joey had me pulled over? He was warning me through his guys now? What the fuck was going on?

“You hear me?” he asked, growing impatient with my silence.

A breath heaved out of me as my own frustration bubbled up. “Yeah I fucking hear you,” I muttered, turning back to the windshield and dropping the paper on the seat next to me. “Tell him to back the fuck off, nothing happened.”

“Tell him yourself.” He gave me one more pointed glare and then disappeared, striding back to his cruiser shaking his head.

I’d been avoiding Joey so that I could skip out on this conversation, but it didn’t look like my friend was going to give me that option anymore.What the hell had happened?This was extreme, even for him. Had Jill said something? Had she been so upset the other night he was worried about her?Fuck. I had to see her. I had to fix this.

Grady: Hey, can you talk?

Jill: About what?

Grady: Can we just meet for a minute?

Jill: You okay?

No, I was not fucking okay. But I didn’t want to do this over text. And of course she’d ask aboutme, because she was sweet and caring, and knew I was a fucking disaster. It burned a hole in my gut how much I wanted to be okay while at the same time yearning to be honest with her about how much I wasn’t.

Grady: Yeah, just want to chat for a sec

Jill: When?

Grady: Soon as you can. Where are you?

Jill: I’m at the town park

I was typing back that I was on my way when the bubbles popped up again and then she wrote:

Jill: By the beach

My stomach rolled over on itself, the agitation I’d already felt all morning squeezing like a knot just below my ribs.

Grady: Be there in fifteen

Jill: You sure?

Grady: Stay put

I wasn’t going to let my stupid fear of water make me look even weaker. I could stand next to the damn lake. I thought. I hoped. The sweat at my temples and the urge to vomit said otherwise, but I wasn’t going to make more of a scene than this already was. Jill loved the water, and loved the lake. Part of me wondered what she was doing down there this late in the day.

As I pulled into the parking lot my pulse started to thrum so hard in my neck I felt it in my jaw. Like a clock ticking down, it beat out a pace of warning. The closer I got to the water the more the blood rush blocked out all other sounds. Pulling in beside Jill’s car, I cut the engine and just sat there, willing myself to breathe. Through my windshield the lake spread out, a flat blue plane at the base of the surrounding hills. The shades of green, the sunlight and shadow. It was a gorgeous view, and even my panic couldn’t make me change my mind about that.

But the thing that finally helped my chest loosen enough to suck in a full inhale was Jill. My eyes landed on her where she was perched on top of a picnic table. Her elbows dug into her thighs as she leaned forward, her eyes on the water. The same gentle breeze I’d thought about before moved through her hair like my fingers had when she’d hugged me the other night. I could still feel the silky strands, could still smell the tea tree oil of her shampoo. I could have sat watching her forever, just absorbing her peace as if I had any right to it.

“Sorry to disturb you,” I said, coming up beside the table. She didn’t jump, which meant she’d heard me coming. But she didn’t turn my way either.

“You’re not disturbing me.” She sighed, glancing at me from the side. “Are you sure you’re okay to be here?”

Something about the way she said it made me think I didn’t look okay. “I’m good.”

The lie slipped out so easily. It was practiced and worn, but even I was getting tired of hearing it. My exhaustion wasn’t just from not sleeping; I was so damn tired of holding up this wall between me and the truth. Between the truth and everyone else.

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