Page 46 of Slash & Burn

“Is he alright?”

Given his antics of late, it would have been easy to forget that Joey and Grady were close. But I heard it in his voice; he was worried.

“What do you mean?” I turned around in time to watch Joey’s head fall, his hands landing on his hips like he was working on finding the words.

“Cory said his golf swing was all fucked up the other day. And he said he’d come to the rink, but he hasn’t. Now he’s stopped replying altogether. If it’s not cause he knows I’ll break his fucking legs if he touches you, then I thought maybe he was still hurt or something.”

It was not my business to fill Joey in on what was going on with Grady. Not how hard he was working to get back into shape, or how much his mind was still broken from last spring. Grady had barely revealed tomehow much he was struggling. And I saw right through my brother—the more I knew, the more I revealed how close Grady and I really were. He was an expert at getting people to incriminate themselves, and while I appreciated his concern for his friend, he wasn’t getting me to betray Grady.

“You’ll have to ask him what’s going on.” I sighed, some of the irritation fading. I went to head inside, but turned back at the last minute to say, “But don’t stop calling. He needs his friends, even if it seems like doesn’t want them.”

Joey caught my eye, and beneath the scrutiny I saw understanding leak in. Joey had parked himself on my couch the first week after Adam had left and I’d stopped wanting to eat anything. He’d silently, broodingly, stood watch to make sure Adam didn’t show his face and to see with his own eyes I wasn’t falling apart. Grady might be fairing far better than I had, but he needed support, regardless of whether he knew how to accept it.

CHAPTER 19

GRADY

Iwas going backwards. For all the progress I thought I’d been making, the last few days had seen me slide right back to where I was. My nightmares were constant again, and every morning I was forced to change my sheets after waking up in a cold sweat. I couldn’t believe this was happening. It was as if the last few weeks hadn’t even happened. I’d be worried about what that meant for the upcoming season if I wasn’t so angry about it. Nothing I was doing was working, and there was too much at stake for me to still be this off balance.

It wasn’t just my failed attempts at the pool, which I’d pretty much given up on. I did the exercises my PTs had instructed, but I couldn’t even look at the deep end. Just the idea of wading out over my head was enough to have me hurling in the bathroom again. Nothing sounds quite as depressing as chucking your dinner down the bowl in a gym so empty it echoes off the walls back to you.

Joey had been blowing up my phone, and I was convinced he’d even roped Cory in on it, the two of them pestering me about hanging out and playing in a league game. Of course I wanted to hang out with my friends. But there was no way I could be around them, not like this. Joey would evil-eye me until I started sweating, and if I had a panic attack in front of them I’d never get over it. Being this weak wasn’t how I wanted my friends to see me.

But as bad as it would be for the guys to catch sight of this shit show, it was Jill I wanted to avoid the most.

She’d already seen enough, helped me enough, and I’d fucked it all up.

What I’d said the other night hurt her. I hadn’t meant to, and we both knew nothing could happen between us, but the idea that she’d be aregret?

It killed me she’d left thinking that. How the hell had I let things get so messed up? I had absolutely no answers for what to do about us, because it wasn’t just about not violating the trust of one of my best friends. It was about me going back to Boston at the end of the summer, and Jill staying in Holden Cove. I cared way too much about her to ever start down a road that would only leave her hurting again after I was gone. The possibility I might have already done that had me in a constant state of nausea.

Tossing my gym bag in my car I got on the road just as the sun was dipping behind the western hills that lined the far edge of the lake. It would have been a perfect night to be out on a boat, cruising the water with a gentle breeze on your face. But the happy memories that filled me were quickly replaced by dread, twisting my gut until my palms started to sweat. I stuffed the urge to puke back down, just like I had every other day that week, and turned onto the main road.

That’s when the blue and red lights flashed behind me. I jumped, my heart skipping as the siren lit up sharply in my ears. I glanced down at my speedometer; I’d been going thirty-seven miles an hour. In a thirty-five zone. Two miles over?You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

In the rearview I watched as the sheriff got out of his cruiser and slowly approached from the shoulder. I rolled my passenger window down, ready to tell Joey to fuck off, but when the sheriff rounded the side of my car I realized it wasn’t him.

“License and registration.”

I popped the glove box and fished out my paperwork, digging my license from my wallet and handing both to him through the window.

“You know how fast you were going?”

“The speed limit.” There was no way this guy was getting me for speeding.

Under the brim of his baseball hat the guy narrowed his eyes at my license, turning it over in his hand as he said, “Not quite. You were over.”

“I was two miles over,” I shot back, shaking my head as I glared at the stream of cars going by.

“Exactly,” he muttered before he turned and walked back to his cruiser.

This was a load of horseshit and he knew it. There was no fucking way I was getting a ticket for two miles over. I’d never gotten a speeding ticket in my life. I’d never gotten anything but a parking violation,one time. I’d parked in staff parking at college once when I was late for an exam and hadn’t seen the sign.

I really didn’t need anything else to add to the list of ways I was screwing up right now, but by the scowl on this guy’s face as he walked back, he had it out for me. Not everyone was a hockey fan.

“Here you are,” he handed back my paperwork, locking eyes with me through the open window. “I’m just going to give you a written warning today, but keep your speed down. This is a residential area, we don’t want to see anyone get hurt.”

A sliver of relief unfurled as I took the warning from his hand. I glanced down at it, still feeling the urge to argue about two lousy miles over the limit but biting my tongue as he placed his hands on the side of my car and leaned closer.

---