Page 28 of Slash & Burn

GRADY

Iguess I should have been glad the swim trunks were a few years old. LeAnn had done a good job of helping Joey trim down since then, and if these had been a recent pair I don’t think they’d have fit. As it was my thighs were testing the seams. But as I looked at myself in the full-length mirror hanging off the back of the door, that wasn’t what I was concerned with.

No, the ghosts in my eyes were all I saw.

Jill had no idea the land mine she’d stepped on out there. I hadn’t either, to be honest. It was the sight of her in a bathing suit that had set me off. The instant visceral reminder of swimming, water . . . dying. It hit me like a fucking truck. But once again she’d been able to pull me back from the edge. I wasn’t sure I was ready for this, but it had been so long since I’d even touched anything but a shower, I didn’t want to miss a chance to test my reaction. At least if I freaked out here, only Jill would be around to see.

And she’d already seen me freak out plenty.

It had been bad enough Jill saw me come apart. But then when she asked what she could do to help? She was just trying to be comforting, but the feel of her hands on me had stirred up a lot more than she’d intended. She wasn’t being coy, that’s not who she was. But the way my body had lit up . . . thank god I’d snapped out of it. Crossing the line with her was out of the question. No matter how fucked up I was, I couldn’t let myself make that move.

Especiallybecause of how fucked up I was.

The smell of dinner was filling the house as I made my way outside with my glass of wine and the spare towel Jill had left hanging on the back of the chair. It was a perfect early summer night. A light humidity lingered in the air, but otherwise the temperature had dropped to a comfortable heat. The sky was a rusty maroon at the edges, fading to a gray blue over our heads. When I spotted a bat swooping above us I smiled; I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been outside looking up at the sky to spot them.

“They do fit . . . mostly,” Jill snickered as I set my wine on the wooden decking that surrounded two sides of the bubbling hot tub.

“It’s not my fault your brother needs to up his leg game.”

“Oooo, you gonna tell him that next time you see him?”

I laughed, taking a sip of wine as I considered my options. “Nah. I’m already on his shit list.”

Jill rested her head back, taking in the sky. “He really needs to get over himself.”

My eyes were glued to her; the long line of her neck, the movement of the water as it slipped over her collarbone. It sluiced around her like it was greedy to feel as much of her skin as it could, as if it knew the soft warmth of her touch and wanted more.

“You getting in or what?” Jill asked, snapping my attention back. She cracked a lopsided grin, thankfully interpreting my hesitation as anxiety and not the blatant ogling it was.

“I’m going to start slow,” I said, my eyes on the water as I perched on the decking. I slipped my ankles below the surface as she watched. There was hope in her eyes, and compassion, and it gave me something to hold onto besides the fear churning inside.

“One step at a time,” she said, reaching for her glass.

My gaze was still fixed on the bubbling water when I asked her, “You seem to be pretty well versed in this. Do you mind if I ask you what happened?” Joey had alluded to something, and I wasn’t sure it was my place, but the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to know everything about Jill Jordan, even the bad shit. Maybe especially the bad shit.

When she didn’t answer right away I glanced up to find her staring at me. I didn’t like the look on her face, sad and still, like she’d been captured by the past through my question alone.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have pried.”

Shaking her head, she shifted on her seat, moving the jet behind her across her shoulders and back again. “It’s fine. It was a couple of years ago. I had a boyfriend and then I didn’t. I didn’t take it so well.”

Of course it was a fucking guy. I tamped down the urge to pummel the asshole, quite sure Joey had provided more than enough of that kind of energy when it happened.

“What did he do?” Why the hell I wanted the details was beyond me as I was already struggling with the image of Jill in another man’s arms.As if I had any right to her?

“He left.”

“Left you? Left town?”

Jill sighed, rolling her eyes. “Both. His name was Adam. He was a philosophy professor. Or, at least, he was becoming a professor. We met at school and after he went into a graduate program to become a professor at USM. His mom was a professor there and he said he’d always wanted to be like her.”

“Momma’s boy, huh?” I chuckled, even though I still wanted to punch his face.

“Not really. I don’t know. Anyway, he changed his mind as soon as he got his doctorate and took a job in Nebraska instead.”

“Nebraska?” No way this guy was smart enough for a doctorate degree. Who the hell leaves a woman like Jill to move to fucking Nebraska? I’m sure it’s a lovely place to live, but come the fuck on.

Jill wasn’t laughing like I hoped she would have at the ridiculous choice this asshole made. She slunk down until her chin was covered by the water bubbling up, her eyes on the surface as it pitched and rolled over itself.

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