Page 27 of Slash & Burn

“Then, same.”

“You can have a beer, don’t feel like you have to do what I do.”

A shiver of nerves snaked through me, like I’d suddenly become aware of the fact that Grady Holloway—theGrady Holloway, my every fricking high school fantasy turned pro hockey god—was in my house, in my kitchen, looking at me with affection in his eyes not even the Debbie-Downer in my brain could rightfully deny.

“I like red.” His gaze slid to the shelf of drinkware by the sink. “May I?” he asked, motioning to the round stemmed glasses on the end.

“Sure.” I handed him the bottle and tugged the opener from the crock next to the stove. “Thanks.”

He gave me a pointed look. “I think out of the two of us, I’m theonlyone who should be saying that word tonight.”

I wasn’t sure if he meant because of the hallway or the fact that I was cooking him dinner. But either way, I was starting to sweat in my favorite Stevie Nicks T-shirt.

Grady poured two glasses as I got to work. Shepherd’s pie was one of my favorite meals because it was so easy to throw together. I wasn’t a bad cook, but I was a lazy one. After the stress we’d both been under all day, an easy dinner was exactly what we needed. And once it was in the oven, I had the perfect idea for how to unwind while things cooked. I strode past where Grady was sitting on my couch and into my bedroom.

I yanked my bathing suit from the top drawer, stepping quickly into the navy one piece with little cut-outs at the hip. I grabbed a pair of big beach towels before I dug around in my closet. “Gotcha,” I whispered to myself as I wrenched the bright green men’s trunks from the bottom of a pile of summer clothes.

“Here,” I said, stepping out into the living room again and tossing the long shorts at Grady. The suit hit him in the chest as he sat frozen, his eyes on me and his face stricken.

“What are you doing?”

I chuckled a little awkwardly under my breath. Grady and I had gone swimming in the lake a million times growing up so it wasn’t like he’d never seen me in my suit before. “I’m going to hit the hot tub out back while dinner cooks. Figured you might like to join. Panic attacks used to make me sore. You should soak for a bit.”

My words faded as Grady’s face went pale. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, he was staring at his hands where they gripped his thighs.

“Grady?” I didn’t know what I’d done, but clearly it was something. Cinching my towel tighter across my chest, I sat on the coffee table in front of him. “What’s wrong?”

He licked his lips, his eyes slowly finding mine. “I almost drowned.”

My mind drew a blank at first, but then I remembered the headlines about Florida. He’d rescued someone else from drowning. But maybe what had happened that day wasn’t so simple.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” I felt like an asshole. I had no idea that was what was going on with him. “I can change.” I went to get up, but he stopped me, his fingers around my arm.

“No. You should go in. You had a rough day too.” His color was coming back and he nodded at me with a sweet smile on his face.

“I will if you do.”

“Jill…”

I put my hand on top of his. “I’m not going to make you do anything you’re not ready for. How you deal with this is your choice. But you told me today you want to get your life back. We won’t be in the ocean. You don’t even have to come all the way in. But maybe just sit with your feet in the bubbles. Help your mind see that you’re safe even if you’re by water again.”

My therapist had been one of the sweetest, kindest women I’d ever met. But she knew that I had to start somewhere. I got to decide what that looked like, and she was there to support me in any way I needed. But we all had to start somewhere.

Grady let out a shaky breath, his eyes falling to the green fabric crumpled in his lap. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I wasn’t exactly excited about this; seeing the distress on Grady’s face still had my heart in a vice. But if he was going to try, then he was going to get nothing but encouragement from me.

“But only if you tell me why you have men’s swim trunks in your house.” He glanced up at me, a spark in his eye that made it a little easier to breathe again.

“They’re Joey’s.” I rolled my eyes as I shoved off the table. “From like four years ago. He forgot them here and I just never remembered to give them back.”

Grady pushed off the couch, the shorts in his hand. “I wonder how many times he’s torn apart his closet looking for them?”

I laughed, biting my lip at how well Grady knew my brother. “A dozen at least.” I pointed down the hall. “Bathroom’s the second door on the right. I’ll be outside. Take all the time you need.” He held my gaze a moment longer, sucking in a steadying breath before he walked away.

I would never assume to know what was going on inside someone else’s brain. I was barely able to handle what went on in mine. But every time Grady let me in, shared a little more about what he was up against, I felt like the world was just the tiniest bit brighter. He was stronger than he realized, but I’d be there to remind him until he believed that again.

CHAPTER 13

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