Page 62 of College-Virgin & Dark Bully Next-Door

“This is going to hurt. Take a deep breath.”

I do what he says, and he jerks it back into place. A whine leaves my lips, and I jerk my hand back as I try to hide my tears. Ash reaches out for me. My stubbornness tempts me to turn and run, but I close the distance between us. Our bodies collide with a wet smack. I breathe into his warm neck, catching his faint scent that’s still unwashed by the rain.

Ash soon breaks our embrace, taking a slow breath. “I’m sorry, by the way … I shouldn’t have lashed out like I did.”

I nod. “I wanted to tell you, I talked to Bonnie and explained that I liked you.”

“Past tense?”

“Maybe.” I look to the side and then hug myself. “How is the rain this fucking cold in summer?”

Ash chuckles, then jerks his head toward the empty garage. “Is it safe to assume your folks aren’t around?”

“Not for a few hours,” I reply.

Again, he gestures with his head, and I allow him to guide me to the front door. He follows me up to my room without question, and I grab a towel, tossing it at him before I grab clothes and change in my closet.

I come out in a huge T-shirt and sweatpants that are definitely too long. Ash scrubs the towel over his head, then tosses it in the clothes pile. He motions for me, but I divert to Dracula, watching him stalk one of the crickets I gave him.

“If I did like you … would that matter now?” I ask, rubbing my arms. “If I said that I still wanted to go slow, still keep it from our families, would you yell at me again?”

His eyes are half-closed, making it hard to read him. “Yes and no, in that order.”

“Hypothetically … what would …” I shake my head once and take a shaking breath. “How would you react?”

“I’d ask why you want to keep this up,” he murmurs.

“Because, hypothetically, if I like you for more than the sex stuff, I don’t want to lose it, even if we only have until January and even if my brother hates you, and I hate your brother. And hypothetically, I want to meet your work friends and spend time with you and don’t want to picture you with other people. Hypothetically … I’d want to be exclusive and secret-ish.”

“Then I’d say that would make you my girlfriend, even if I can’t call you that around other people.”

Dracula attacks the cricket, and my feelings get all jumbled in my throat. “And that would mean telling you things, not just … making out when I don’t want to talk?”

“I think that’s a given for us to move forward in any direction, Sky.” I hear my bed creak as he adjusts. “Can you look at me for this conversation?”

No. No is the first thing that comes to mind. Dracula feels safer to watch. But I have to push through this. I’m not going to have Bonnie to beat sense into me or walk me through how to fight my battles when I get to college, and it’s not fair for me to rely on anyone for that. The last two days she and I spent together were all about her trying to coach me through this problem, and she shouldn’t have to. We should be able to talk about her and fun things and not just my issues.

Slowly, I turn to face Ash. He’s braced himself on his elbows, still watching me carefully, like I’m the dangerous one here. I don’t like that mistrust in his eyes. But I’ve earned it. I know I have.

“What do we need to do – both of us – so you can actually talk to me about real shit? How can we fix the stuff that isn’t working between us?”

My heart tries to lodge itself in my throat to keep me quiet. God, how can I not like him when he says things like that? Things that are so obviously not a ploy to get into my pants or hiding an ulterior motive?

I rub at my nose. “Everything wants to come out right now, but I don’t want to be a whiny brat. I have a good life, and I feel like I shouldn’t be bothered by stupid shit that some people would love.”

“Hypothetically – if we were talking about us, would you actually work for our relationship?”

“Yes.”

He motions me forward with a finger, and I cross the room without thinking about the steps. Instead, I climb on top of him and wrap my arms around his neck. Ash freezes for a moment, then his arms wrap around me. He’s still damp, but I don’t care. I squeeze him and take a deep breath of his cologne, closing my eyes and letting myself enjoy how he feels against me, around me. Familiar, good, mine.

“I missed you,” he breathes into my neck. “Can we cut the hypothetical bullshit now?”

“Yes,” I sniff. “Give me another chance?”

“I think that’s my line since I assumed the worst and yelled at you.” He tightens his arms around me. “But we have to talk, Sky. All this distracting and distancing doesn’t make me feel like I can trust you. It makes me all confused about how to approach you and what to say. It’s not helping anyone.”

“But …” I take another slow breath and feel the fight just … leave. “Okay.”

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