Page 61 of College-Virgin & Dark Bully Next-Door

“We already had this talk. If you want him, that’s enough.”

“And go through hell for what? For Chase to hate me? For him to fight Ashton? For Peter to make our lives an even bigger hell? To go through twice this pain when I leave because there’s no way I’d stay for him. No fucking way. Absolutely none.”

She lets me go and flicks my forehead. “That’s the first stupid thing you’ve said.”

“What?” I demand, rubbing the same painful spot.

“Did he ask you to stay for him? Did he even hint at it?”

“No, because I made it clear over and over again that we’re not … weweren’tin a relationship.”

“Okay, super simple here. Do you want to be friends with him?”

“No!” I shout, then shake my head. “No. I couldn’t stand seeing him seeing other girls. It would drive me fucking insane.”

“Do you want to keep being bang-buddies? If you’re not exclusive, he can see other people.”

I swallow that bitter jealousy.

“Then I think it’s pretty obvious what youwant. You only get one life.”

“But-”

“You’ve chosen to study bugs, even though it’s super weird and super limited field. Because you want to – I might add. You decided to grow up and ensure your dad pays the bills on time and that everything is taken care of – because you want to. Forget what I think about him. Forget Chase. Why can’t you choose him because you want him, too?”

I suck my bottom lip and sigh.

She tucks my hair behind my ear. “The longer you wait to talk to him about this, the harder it will be.”

“I hate talking.”

“Sucks, that’s life; embrace it.”

I try to smother myself with a pillow but enjoy another sleepover with Bonnie. We watch shows, braid each other’s hair, do face masks, give each other foot massages, and just relax.

But when morning comes, she’s gone, and I’m left alone again.

Which means I make a beeline out of my house after feeding Dracula. Unfortunately, by the time I get to the park, it’s pouring. Groaning, I turn around and go home. I’m not stupid enough to be out on my own in a storm. I just needed time in nature. I just needed to spend time alone doing what I love. Why is that so fucking hard?!

I park, grab my steering wheel, and scream. When it’s not enough to calm what I’m feeling, I scream again.

After letting everything out about Ash, all my other bottled feelings opened up, demanding to be talked about, given attention, to choke me. I punch the steering wheel, hear a dull honk, but feel pain radiate up my wrist and arm.

I’m sure that’s agreatsign. Fantastic.

I shake my hand out and slam my car door, cursing at my knuckles, the car, the rain, and everything else I can think of. I even curse at my house, ready to toss myself to the ground and throw a full-on temper tantrum.

Someone suddenly grabs my shoulders, making me shriek with surprise. I’m turned around to meet Ash’s intense stare. The chaos inside me comes to a stop. He’s breathless, dirty, and looking me over to figure out what’s wrong.

I shake out my hand again, feeling stupider with every passing second. Ash stands there a long moment before he says a word. “Can I touch your hand?”

“Why do you want to? I’m just some confused little girl.”

“Because you’re hurt, and I’m trying not to be a dick,” he says sharply.

I offer him my hurt hand, and he looks at my finger. “Dislocated. What did you do?”

“Punched my steering wheel.”

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