Page 197 of Sinning for Santa

“What moredo you need?” he asks, releasing my hands and cupping each side of my face, tilting my head back so there’s nowhere else to look but at him.

“Love,” I admit, and he frowns.

“You don’t think I love you?” he grumbles, and I try to shake my head, but his grip is firm, and I can’t move it an inch.

“No. I think you want to possess me. Control me. Own me,” I admit, seeing his frown deepen with each word I speak. “You obviously can’t handle the idea of me going to Cloud 9 or you wouldn’t have gone there tonight. You wouldn’t be doing this. That’s not love.”

“I disagree,” he growls, pressing his forehead to mine. “I think possessing you is the realest love there is. I don’t deny how I feel about you. I may be a bad man, but fuck woman, you make me want to be good.”

He kisses me then, his lips hot and soft and intoxicating. I’m powerless to deny him so I part my lips willingly, our tongues clashing in a kiss that feels like he’s trying to claim me.

Then he pulls back, his gaze on my lips momentarily before locking with mine. “And as for Cloud 9, I went thereforyou, so you could finally step over that line. So you could feel what it was like to have everyone worship you with their heated eyes and their writhing loins. The reason you’ve never been able to do it is because you didn’t have me.”

I want to scoff, but a lump the size of a cricket ball is lodged in my throat, because I think he’s actually right. I’ve been to Cloud 9 so many times, and I couldn’t make myself step over the line.

I used to think it was because of Eddie and those twisted beliefs we had, but now, although that did play a role in it, I really think I just didn’t trust anyone enough to touch me. To make sure I enjoyed it. To make sure I was safe.

Fat tears spill over, and I finally work the lump down enough so I can speak.

“You sent me away.”

“Yes.” He swipes at my tears with his thumbs.

“And now you want me back?”

“Yes,” he admits easily, staring into my eyes, his lips so close to mine that we are sharing the same air.

“Why? I thought you said it was too dangerous,” I whisper.

“I made a mistake. I can keep you safer if you’re with me.”

My brows shoot up. “Devon Marx, the devil. Made a mistake?”

“Yes.” He gives a single nod, ignoring my mocking tone.

Why is he doing this now?

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what’s right or wrong.

I can’t think straight when he’s so close.

Relaxing my knees, I drop down out of his hold, escaping him, and I don’t miss the surprise on his face.

He thought I was about to cave.

It hurts to think about. I hate that I fell so hard for a man I hardly know. I hate that it was so easy for him to get under my skin. And I hate that all I want to do is run back into his arms and forget the loneliness I’ve felt every minute of every day since he sent me away.

But I can’t.

There’s more than my heart at stake.

“Please leave. I need… time.”

He scowls, but doesn’t follow me as I retreat backwards, stepping into the hallway that leads to my bedroom.

“Jax,” he rasps, but I shake my head.

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