Page 123 of Sinning for Santa

“What happens in Sunday school, stays in Sunday school, I guess.” She shrugs, looking annoyed at the idea of it. “I went and told my parents as soon as Sunday school ended, and I did it in front of the other parents. I thought I was doing the right thing by speaking up, but everyone treated me like I was the one that did something wrong.”

The fuck!

Now I wish I had killed her old man.

“The real kicker is the girl that he touched called me a sick monster for saying such a thing. She told the grown ups that I was lying. But it was true, and no one believed me.” She sighs, chewing on her lip for a moment before continuing. “I started having nightmares about what I’d seen. What I experienced. I kept telling my parents about the dream and about what I saw, begging them to believe me, but they just wouldn’t believe anything I had to say after that. They grew more and more concerned and instead of taking me to school one day, they took me to Holly River Estate.”

I may not have killed her dad yesterday, but mark my fucking word, he’ll be dead by my hand soon.

“What happened there?” I dare ask, and she shrugs, like it’s no big deal.

“Exposure.”

“Exposure?” I frown, confused.

“I was forced to watch things no ten year old should watch. Things on TV. Magazines were shown to me. And then the real life stuff happened.” She sucks in a deep breath, like perhaps she’s feeling a little unwell. “Every time they exposed me to something, I would have a session with Dr Xavier the next day, and every time I told him what I saw, I was put in a dark closet for two days in his office.”

A deep growl rumbles in my chest, and this time it’s Jaxcen who reaches up, her nails dragging through my hair like she is trying to offer me comfort.

Fuck. She’s the one that should be offered the comfort.

“Eventually I realised the only way to stay out of the closet was to keep my mouth shut, so I did, and I’d hoped it would get me sent home. Instead the exposure increased from one session to two a day. Then there were the all day and night sessions. I was made to watch. Asked if I wanted to join in.” She shakes her head vigorously. “I never did but some of the other girls did.”

“Were there boys there?”

“Not patients. All the staff were men. All the patients were girls and women.”

Fucking sick fucks.

Now I wish I didn’t kill that fucker, and instead brought him back here and tortured him for days, weeks or even years.

“I don’t know why, but they eventually started drugging me.” She continues. “I didn’t notice at first. It was gradual. It was like they were doing it to see if it would coax me into participating in the… sessions.”

“And did you ever join in?” I ask, hoping she says no, but knowing it’s not her fault if she did. Their manipulation tactics were obviously well versed.

“No, I never joined in, but was always forced to watch, and something about that must have frustrated Dr Xavier because my sessions with him began to change and…” She sucks in another breath, and I can tell this time she’s fighting back tears.

“He used the date rape drug on you,” I answer for her and she nods quickly.

“I guess that’s what it was. I don’t want to talk about what he did.” She shakes her head again, her emotions taking over. “Please. I don’t want to relive that.”

“Okay, little mouse. That’s enough for today. Or forever if that’s what you prefer.” I assure her, because fuck, I wish I hadn’t insisted she relive that part. “I have one more question though.”

She visibly gulps, but nods. “Okay.”

“Why do you think you’re a monster?”

Chapter twenty-seven

Jaxcen

This is it. The moment he learns what sort of person I really am, and he runs away. I mean, I can’t actually imagine Devon running away from anything or anyone, but maybe he’ll just boot me out on my arse and tell me never to return.

Pressing my hands to his shoulders, I push Devon gently, and he shifts off me, letting me sit up. My head spins as I do, so I close my eyes briefly and let my head get used to my new position.

“Take it slowly. The drugs are probably still in your system,” Devon mumbles, sitting up with me and stroking my hair back again.

He likes to do that. And I like when he does that. It makes me feel cherished.

---