Page 118 of Sinning for Santa

It was the fastest fucking shower I’ve ever had.

Mabel brought a tray of food, and took my bloodied clothes away, along with the hospital gown that I tore off my little mouse the moment I entered my suite. I’d ordered Mabel to burn it, and I know she will. She’s always obedient and never questions me.

“Have you slept yet?” Finn asks, stepping into my suite without knocking. He knows if it’s unlocked he can come straight in.

“Not yet,” I mutter from the chair I’d pulled up beside my bed so I could watch Jaxcen sleep.

“She’s gonna be okay.” Finn reassures me, not for the first time since leaving that horrid facility.

I know he’s right, but knowing the fucked up things that doctor did to Jaxcen, knowing the things he could have done to her had we not found her… I can’t fucking bear it.

“Hey.” Finn nudges me with his elbow, so I drag my gaze from my little mouse to my best mate standing beside me. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie.

“No, you’re fucking not. Talk to me.” He turns and sits his arse on the edge of my bed, his concerned gaze locking with mine.

We’ve been through a lot, Finn and I. Been best mates since we were kids. He knows me better than anyone so I know I can’t lie to him. He’ll see right through my bullshit.

Sighing, I shake my head, my chest aching in a way I’m not used to.

“I can’t keep her,” I admit

“Why the fuck not?”

“She deserves better than this life,” I practically whisper, my gaze darting to the sleeping beauty in my bed, between my sheets.

“Shouldn’t she be the one to decide that?” Finn asks, keeping his voice low, obviously picking up on the fact I don’t want Jaxcen to wake and hear this conversation.

“She’s too young and inexperienced to know what she wants.” My shoulders drop and I pinch the bridge of my nose.

None of this was supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to find a random woman and bring her to my home. I wasn’t supposed to let her see how truly twisted I can be. And I wasn’t supposed to want to keep her.

“Fuck,” I hiss, shooting wide eyes towards my best mate. “What if I really have gotten her pregnant?”

“What?” Finn’s brows shoot high. “You didn’t tarp up?”

“Nope.” I shake my head remembering how it felt to sink into her bare. To feel the hot silk of her walls gripping my cock.

“She’s not on contraception?” Finn asks, glancing over his shoulder at Jaxcen’s sleeping form.

“Nope.”

“The fuck man?” Finn growls, punching my shoulder. “The fuck were you thinking?”

“You don’t wanna know what I was thinking,” I growl, rubbing at the place he hit.

“Yeah, I fucking do. Tell me,” he snaps and I roll my eyes.

“Fine. But lay off the fucking fists.”

“Then stopmaking stupid fucking decisions,” he counters.

“Whatever.” I wave him off, trying to figure out how to best explain my thought process from the chapel that first night. “All I can say is I became a little obsessed with the idea of putting my baby in her.”

For a long moment, Finn is silent, his eyes wide as he stares at me like I’ve grown two fucking heads.

“You? Want a kid?”

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