Page 1 of Without You

Prologue

Deacon

ONE YEAR AGO

Ihear my phone ring for the hundredth time and press the volume button on the side to silence it. Letting the call from my girlfriend go to voicemail, I wait for the notification telling me to listen to the message. I stand still in the doorway, anticipatingJosie’s usual string of texts, questioning why I’m avoiding her, halting any further movements.

Ping. Ping. Ping.

Like clockwork, my screen fills up with her inquisition.

Josie: I can’t believe you’re not answering.

Josie: I haven’t spoken to you in two days.

Josie: You said you’d be back in two weeks, it’s been four.

I bite my tongue in frustration, shocked and seething at her audacity. Is she for fucking real?

My fingers race over the screen in anger typing out my response.

Me: In case you forgot the reason I was here, Josie, let me remind you. Rhett is dead—my brother.

Jesus, my fucking brother, Josie.

Shaking my head, I power down the phone and shove it back into the pocket of my jeans. I don’t have any energy to deal with the mess Josie and I are right now. We weren’t always like this, at each other’s throats, but the sicker my brother became, the harder I became to deal with. Now we’re just a wreck. She wants more than I can give, and I, for once, just want what we have to be enough. Combine all that with grief, guilt and sadness, and it’s inevitable that we’re now struggling to make it work.

Leaving tonight and making the ten-hour drive back to Seattle, Washington is the last thing I want to do, but as much as I don’t want to go back and face reality with Josie, I can’t stay here any longer, either.

When it comes to hard truths, the mess of my life back in Seattle is a better option than what’s left of it here. My family is now nothing but strangers walking around in a house that will never hold the same warmth and comfort it once did.

It’s empty and cold—just like life without Rhett.

Knowing I need to keep moving, I continue shoving the last of my clothes and belongings into my duffel. I also manage to carefully slip in a letter my brother left me; one I don’t think I’ll open, but will take all the same.

I zip up the bag, wrap my fingers around the handles and throw it over my shoulder, before heading to my sister’s room to say goodbye.

A quick unanswered knock isn’t enough to deter me from walking in, knowing there’s no way I can leave without saying goodbye. My eyes dart to the lump of limbs on the bed and I’m not surprised to see Victoria and my niece, Lia, curled into one another, sleeping soundly.

Kneeling beside them, I move Lia’s golden-brown hair out of her face and kiss her forehead. The simple movement is enough to wake my sister, my eyes finding her open ones when I move back into view.

“You going?” she whispers.

Giving her a quick nod, I move forward and offer the same tender goodbye to my sister.

“Promise to text me when you get back to Seattle.”

“I will. When are you going home?”

“Probably tomorrow. I’ll see what Hayden wants to do when I speak to him.”

Lia begins to move, and Victoria and I both stare, willing her to stay asleep. I lean over again and place my lips on the top of her small hand. “I’ll call you. I love you.”

“I love you, Deacon.”

Kissing my niece one last time, I rise up to my feet, smile at my sister and quietly walk out.

Standing back in the hallway, my eyes lag on the only other closed off room and my body can’t help but gravitate toward it. Inhaling, I place my hand on the cold, metal knob and turn it.

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